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True Blood Recap: Roman, Say it Ain't so, Man!

True Blood Recap: Roman, Say it Ain't so, Man!

Finally! We’ve been jonesing for a major happening on True Blood this season, and this week’s episode gave us a blow we didn’t see coming! Here’s the dilly on Bon Temps:

The episode picks up with Alcide being drug away by wolves—one of whom he recognizes as JD, the new pack master. He, Eric, and Bill fight them off while Sookie gives Russell a taste of her hand magic.

After wounding the wolves, Eric prepares to stake Russell, but Bill stops him—they have a better chance of surviving if they bring Russell to the Authority alive. Then, the dude from the Authority who resembles Broyles from Fringe enters avec posse. They cuff Russell and order Eric and Bill to glamour Sook and Alcide. Later, Broyles’ twin kills the living remnants of Russell’s pantry, making us wonder how many Authority members really support this ‘co-existence with humans’ thing.

Bill only pretends to glamour Sook, but Eric does glamour Alcide, making him forget the entire evening. Eric also orders him to protect Sook at all costs, and finishes the glamouring process by telling Alcide that from now on, he will no longer be attracted to Sookie.

Over at Fangtasia, Pam breaks up the fight between Tara and Jessica (Tara looks mega-hyper strong for such a young vamp!), and tells Tara she’s proud of her—the way a human is proud of his or her dog. This was a low blow, and it obviously ruffled Tara’s feathers!

Hoyt, on the other hand, is excited—Jess was defending him. It’s obvious he’s still smitten, but a sympathetic Jess tells him it’s never going to happen. “This isn’t you,” she says, as she walks away. Later, still intent on being vamp cuisine, Hoyt is being bitten in an alley when the same crazies who shot Sam shoot the vamp eating him. Turns out the gunmen recognize Hoyt. They toss him into their van and drive away.

Speaking of Sam, both he and Luna survived last week’s shooting. They get a visit in the hospital from baby werewolf Emma and her terrifying wolf–granny, Martha. Veteran actress Dale Dickey, as Martha, had the quote of the night, when she told a bumbling nurse: “you need to get away from me before I hurt you.” Martha agreed to watch Emma while they recover. Later, Sam tells Andy they need to team up to catch the nutbags who did this. Andy agrees, and they go to the anti-vamp establishment The Stakehouse to investigate. Sam literally smells trouble, and saves Andy from the homicidal clerk who tries to kill him.

Around town, Lafayette visits his overtly homophobic mother, who looks catatonic when he enters her room, but springs to life with info when she hears his voice. Jesus is in a bad place, she tells him—and with a bad man. Lafayette goes to find him. In his first moving scene all season, a freaked-out Terry tells Arlene he can’t be with her—he’s scared the ifrit will fry her and the kids. They agree to part—for now.

Alcide can’t remember anything, so Sook fills him in. Angry, he takes off and challenges new pack master JD for leadership. He needs a second from another pack member, and gets it from the prettiest she-wolf there. Look out Sook! Alcide has another potential love interest!

Jason, bothered by the idea that a vampire killed his parents, tells Sook about his encounter with the fairies. Wanting more info, Sook goes to the field where the invisible nightclub is located. Once inside the nightclub, which looks like Baz Luhrmann’s retelling of Dirty Dancing, Sook finds her cousin Hadley and asks her about her parents—how did they really die?

Hadley doesn’t answer, but a fairy bartender Sook met before tells her that a vampire was attracted to the scent of blood on a Band-Aid in the backseat of her parents car. He stopped their car on a bridge and (presumably) killed her parents. We already know fairies can’t be trusted, so we’re not taking this info too seriously just yet.

On the way to Authority headquarters, Eric (in what has to be a nod to this season’s redundant religious themes) complains about all the religious BS the Authority spews—he just wants to stake Russell and be done.

When they arrive, Roman, clad in a sonic blue Nike golf shirt, congratulates them, and pops open a pricey bottle of  “18th Century Austrian Hemophiliac” to celebrate. He tells Salome to go put an iStake on Russell, as Bill and Eric have theirs removed.

Russell, who earlier said those who worship vampire god Lilith would be better off worshipping Leprechauns or the Kardashians, is brought before the Authority for his execution. As Russell spouts anti-religious sentiments, an annoyed Roman clicks the button to set off his iStake—but it doesn’t work! Salome doesn’t look surprised.

Instead, Russell grabs a baffled Roman and stakes him! Woah! We think Roman’s a goner, but we also think the blood spatter should have been bigger! Did Chris Meloni just exit True Blood early?

What did you think of this crazy turn of events on last night’s episode?

Tags: tv, vampires, recaps, hbo, true blood

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About the Author
Beth Mishler

Beth Mishler is a writer, producer, and pop culture connoisseur who has a weakness for the Whedonverse and all things sci-fi. Originally from Madison, Wisconsin, Beth currently lives in The Plains, Ohio, where she freelances, makes documentaries, and watches a kazillion hours of TV per week while anxiously awaiting the release of George R.R. Martin's next novel.

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