For the list of the Top 5 horror spoilers, we went ahead and skipped the obvious ones. By now, we're sure all of you know that (SPOILER ALERT!) Bruce Willis was dead the whole time, Norman Bates wore his own mother's clothes for some of the time, and the Blair Witch is in the project none of the time. We decided instead to focus on some recent horror flicks. So, if you love the IDEA of a horror movie, but can't stand the stress of actually seeing one, we're here to spoil them all for you and get you up to speed.
Oh yeah... and SPOILERS AHEAD!
In this harrowing movie, a loving couple adopts a sweet little girl named Esther, out of the kindness of their hearts. But that kindness is repaid in blood, as little Esther seems to have a hobby of turning up next to recently deceased bodies. The couple tries to ignore this unsettling trend, as they can’t imagine that this sweet girl could be a murderous monster.
SPOILER ALERT: This sweet girl is a murderous monster AND, not only that, she’s not even a sweet little girl. She’s actually a full-grown woman with a bad case of hypopituitarism disease, which, you guessed it, stops a person’s body from growing. Whether it also causes a person to go around killing people has yet to be proven, but just to be on the safe side, if you ever see a little girl with a suspicious looking lace collar coming towards you, run away as fast as you can.
On a rainy night, in the middle of nowhere, ten random strangers end up stranded in the same shoddy motel. And then, wouldn’t you know it, the strangers start dying off one by one. Who is killing them? Is it the snooty actress, her kind chauffeur, or the gruff cop? It’s probably the little kid, because it’s always the little kid.
SPOILER ALERT: You were wrong on all counts! You see, these people weren’t actually people, they were the different personalities of a psychopathic killer who ran this scenario in his head to get rid of the pesky personalities he didn’t need. Yes, it’s the perfect plot. Although the ending is pretty obvious when you think about it; Ray Liotta and John Cusack in the same movie together, that could only happen in someone’s fantasy. Anyway, if you’re wondering which personality type was killing off the other personalities, it was the little kid personality. Which just goes to show that, in horror movies, even when a little kid is just a weird metaphor that doesn’t really make sense, he/she is still a psychopathic killer.
Ah yes, the movie that has the dubious honor of giving birth to the torture porn genre; a genre that is considered, by many, to be worse than either torture or porn. But we digress. In this bone-chilling cinematic tale, two people are kidnapped and placed in a dungeon cell where they must commit horrific acts on themselves if they have any hope for survival.
SPOILER ALERT: The killer was in the room the whole time! That’s right, that dead body that was lying down on the ground between them was actually alive and responsible for the whole nefarious plot. Of course, this should have been rather obvious to them, as the “corpse” was heard snickering many times during their ordeal and saying things like “I can’t wait believe they think I’m dead. What morons. It will be fun when I kill them.” (Note: this last part didn’t actually happen, but we’ll bet a million dollars it will in Saw 19: This Time There Is No Script).
2. The Descent
Our parents always told us, don’t go exploring any dark caves because chances are, there will be some blood-thirsty monster beasts that will feast on your flesh. Apparently though, the girls in this movie were never told this, as they take their chances and go exploring a dark cave. Can you guess what happens? That’s right, dinner is served. Unfortunately, for the cave-dwelling monster beasts, dinner came with a potent side of girl power, as one of the girls is able to kick enough monster beast butt to make her away out of the cave. Or did she…
SPOILER ALERT: In the original ending, the main character is driving away from the cave, relieved to finally be free of those crazy jerks, when suddenly she is back in the cave! Turns out her escape was just a hallucination and she’s now about to die. This ending never made it to the shores of America though, as the studio heads felt like it was too much of a downer for a good-hearted American to digest.
1. The Mist
One day a thick white mist rolls into a small New England town and covers everything. The Mist is so thick that the people can’t see more than five feet through it. Which might have been for the best, because if they could see through the Mist they would have immediately seen the hell that their world has become. Do you remember when you were a kid, and you would turn over a rock that was in the dirt only to discover that underneath was an array of horrifying insects? Well, that’s exactly what is in the mist. Only, these nightmarish insects are huge and hungry for terrified human blood.
SPOILER ALERT: Apparently, the main character of the film, David, feels the same way we do. At the end of the film, David grabs a small group of people, including his ten-year-old son, and throws them in his car. His plan is to escape the mist by driving through it, but he discovers too late that there is no end to the mist, and his car runs out of gas. So now, hopelessly stranded in the mist, he does the only sensible thing you can do. He shoots everyone in the head, including his own child. And yes, while that does seem to be a horrible, horrible act for a father to do, you must keep one thing in mind: His son was a little kid in a horror movie, so he was probably going to kill someone soon anyways. So this was the best choice for everyone involved.
What horror movie ending did you NOT see coming?