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Top 5 Movie Villains We Wish Would Have Won

Top 5 Movie Villains We Wish Would Have Won

By Randy Walker

If you stop to think about it, movie villains have it pretty rough. They spend an incredible amount of time, money, and brainpower crafting a nefarious plan for world domination (or something of equivalent evil villainy), only to be foiled by some muscle bound hero who wins, more often than not, because of his brawns rather than his brains. Which is too bad, because there are some movie villains that we really think should have won in the end. Here is our list, enjoy!

Predator

Above all other things, the Predator was a hunter. That’s what it lived for, that was his passion. And what did he hunt? The deadliest game of all, of course, humans. (technically hunting Predators would probably be the deadliest game of all). Now, we’re sure most of you feel that hunting the Predator was the right move for Arhnuuuld to make, but we disagree. If you consider the overpopulation problem this planet is currently facing, you could argue that more Predators are exactly what Earth needs. Plus, since everyone dies eventually anyway, why not go out with some style: with a Predator spear through the chest.

The Incredibles

So let us get this straight: a little red-haired homeboy wants to give everyone superpowers, AND THIS IS A BAD THING!!!??? Yeah, okay, so maybe the whole “if you make everyone super than no one is” argument has some merit. But who cares!? We could all be jumping buildings in a single bound, and outrunning cheetahs! But nooooo, that’s not allowed because precious Craig T. Nelson and his family of selfish jerks want all the superpowers for themselves. It still hurts to think about how we could be catching bullets with our teeth right now!

The Matrix

So this submission requires an asterisk. When we say we wish the Matrix had won, we don’t mean at the end of the movie when they are battling Neo and his freedom fighting buddies. No, we are referring to an event much earlier in the film’s back story, when the Matrix tried to create a world for humans where everyone lives in their own paradise. Agent Smith claims that the world was rejected because “the humans didn’t believe it, they rejected it.” To which we at MindHut reply, “this is why we can’t have nice things!” Honestly, if we can’t accept a world of paradise made by robots, will we ever find happiness?

Point Break

Dreamy Patrick Swayze is standing on an Australian shore, oblivious to the rain pounding down on him because he is lost in the beauty of the perfect wave in front of him. The perfect ride, brah. He is so close, and yet so far. Because right behind him is FBI agent Johnny Utah, and he has to bring Swayze to justice, even if it’s at the cost of what Swayze holds most dear.... And then he let's him do it! That’s right, Keanu lets Swayze ride one last wave. It's no wonder that this movie is considered the best movie by every person in the world. In fact, we’re gonna go watch it right now. And yes, when Utah utters his final line, “He’s not coming back,” we’ll probably shed a tear.

Con Air

“Define irony. Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash. “ This a line in the movie by Steve Buscemi’s extremely disturbed character, Garland Greene. We might add to that, “Define tragedy, a plane full of the craziest characters to ever hit the silver screen, and they get taken down before they have a chance to really shine.” OK, our new addition doesn’t quite have the same poetic tone, but the sentiment is all too real. Were there any of you out there, when watching the movie, who wanted John Cusack and Nic Cage to defeat the villains of Con Air, or were you like us, and never wanted the film to end; just scene after scene of these airborne bandits getting into more and more trouble and loving every minute of it. Come to think of it, this sounds like a great TV pitch to FX:

John Malkovich, Ving Rhames, Dave Chapelle, Danny Trejo, and Steve Buscemi are escaped convicts who have taken over a plane, and each episode they land in a different city and get into a new whacky adventure.

What movie villains did you want to see win in the end?

Tags: movies, pixar, the incredibles, bad guys, the matrix, predator, top 5

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About the Author
Randy Walker

Randy Walker is a writer. His mother finds his writing hilarious, his father wonders where he went wrong. Randy recently moved to New Orleans where he now performs standup comedy and improv. He is currently working on several short stories that may or may not include a pirate named Scruffy.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.