My fellow Americans and geeks across this great universe, over the past four years, a question has been brewing over the internets as to which musical video can truly be revered as the "Worst Music Video of All Time". We have seen our Rebecca Blacks come and go, and yes, they do remind us that there are a great deal of cringe inducing music videos out there; but truth be told, there are music videos that are such colossal fiascos they make Friday look like a Steven Speilberg production in comparison. So we at MindHut ask you to do your civil duty and give these truly horrendous candidates your time, and then vote for the party you think is most deserving of this auspicious title. The winner will be announced in our next "Worst" segment, so let your voice be heard in our comment section… Now let's watch some super-crappy videos!
1. Jan Terri - Losing You
Jan Terri is perhaps the most unlikely rock star ever. Standing at approximately the height of a garden gnome, this tone-deaf, poofy haired grandma gained a reputation in the early 90's in underground circles for her legendary lack of talent, earning fans as diverse as Marilyn Manson to Zack Galfanakis. Losing You stands as her crowning achievement. Marvel at her public-access grade production value, her ill fitting leather ensemble, and that dude with the awesome mullet. This is a strong candidate indeed.
2. Dutch Pop Kid Singer - ??????
This candidate is so brain scorchingly horrible that those who created it proceeded to cut all ties to the video, so it remains largely unknown just who this kid is or even the name of this horrible freaking song. We presume that this spiky haired Dutch boy received the video as a present on his tenth birthday. "Here's a music video for you Hans; now you're a man!" It features him hanging out on a boat with two lazy backup dancers and a love interest that looks like she'd rather be watching paint dry than listening to this Dutch version of Cartman caterwauling. We don't blame her.
3. 80's Hair Guy - America!
To be fair to 80's hair guy he really puts forth a valiant effort here, and unlike our previous two contenders, the man can actually carry a tune; but that does not excuse the off the charts levels of cheese to be found here. We get it, man, we're with you, we love America too, but we didn't need you to write a replacement for the Star Spangled Banner and cram every single cliche about how awesome America is into every single frame of this video.
4. Bangs - Take U to Da Movies
We're not sure what the music scene is like in Sudan, but if this is any indication of what's to be found there, we probably won't be hitting the record shops if we ever visit there. The song features Bangs wooing the object of his affection by offering to take her out to the movies and buy her popcorn. That's really going the extra mile, I mean how does Bangs top that date next time? By taking her out to Arby's and allowing her to choose anything off the value menu? This guy really knows how to treat a lady.
5. will.i.am - Entertainment Tonight (da Remix)
There are those that love Black Eyed Peas and those that hate them, but it's hard to see how either party could tolerate this cheese infested rendition of the Entertainment Tonight theme recently "dropped" by B.E.P. maestro, will. i. am. To add insult to injury, the video features will poorly green-screened into a badly rendered background, dancing listlessly as though to say, "Yeah, I know, this song stinks. Can I get my check now?" Not only is the whole package egregiously horrible, but it has to be the only video we know of on YouTube where the number of dislikes triple the amount of likes, and that's really saying something.