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How To Get Ready for The Hobbit Premiere

How To Get Ready for The Hobbit Premiere

By Tim Wainwright

Warner Brothers

Alright people. We all know The Hobbit is coming out next week. The only question is: how are we going to do it in style? Maybe some of your friends have said things like, "We should totally go on opening night", or "Let's dress up!" While both those are fine ideas, we decided to put together a list of ways to celebrate this thing the MINDHUT way. So, without further ado, here is our "How To Get Ready for The Hobbit Premiere", or more appropriately titled:

A Guide to Non-Violent forms of Civil Eccentricity that Will Let the World Know Just How Freaking Ready We Are For The Hobbit

1. Circulate a petition in your community to abolish the office of "Mayor" and replace it with a "Steward of Gondor." Or, even better, let's make a petition demanding that the President produce documentation tracing his lineage to Isildur, proving he is a Dunedan of Numenor.

2. Dress up as an Ent and go throw things at the biggest, nastiest, most Isengaard-like factory in your town. Perhaps bring signs with you that say "A Wizard should know better!" so bystanders aren't confused.

3. Make mass calls into your local pop music station requesting they play the song "Concerning Hobbits" from the soundtrack to The Fellowship of the Ring.

4. A recurring theme in Tolkien's writing is a sadness about the loss of the beauty of nature. The flight of people from the cities into the suburbs has created mass "urban sprawl" in our country. Why not pick up some of these "seed bombs" and just go throwing them everywhere?

5. Go into coffee shops, bowling alleys, shopping malls, and other places of public concentration and ask people clever riddles. If you're feeling cray, you can pull out the unstoppable, "What have I got in my pocketses?"

6. Some people wear a costume on opening night. True fans will wear Tolkien-inspired garb all week. Let us cause a sartorial revolution! Let us cast aside the hoodie and find freedom in the cloak! Let us forget denim and cotton t-shirts and instead aspire to the glories of dresses and corsets, breeches and waistcoats! Huzzah!

7. Instead of Christmas caroling, why not Tolkien-carol a little bit this week? He was full of epic verse. Grab as many friends as possible and take turns reciting some in places where people gather. A good place to start would be The Man in the Moon Stayed Up Too Late.

8. Grab cardboard boxes, lots of food, and sleeping bags: this week its time to make your own Helm's Deep, and defend it against all comers.

9. Communicate with horns this week. Let nowhere be free of them (especially school). You should try to find a real, medieval horn like this... but if you can't, you can always use one like this.

10. Okay, so you've made it through the week and done everything listed above. You're well on your way, not only to getting way pumped for The Hobbit, but to causing a literal revolution. The last thing to do is enjoy waiting in line to see the movie at midnight. To make this as fun as possible, bake some Elven lembas bread (awesome recipe found here), and bring some of that thing hobbits love best: FIREWORKS!

How are you getting ready for The Hobbit?

Tags: movies, the hobbit, jrr tolkien, elves, dwarves, bilbo baggins, gandalf, the lord of the rings

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About the Author
Tim Wainwright

Tim Wainwright writes about monsters, sexual ethics, and public sector employee pension reform--and sometimes other things. You can follow him on twitter @Tim_Wainwright , because he has a strange desire to have people read the things he writes. He is growing to accept the fact that people will always call him "bud", and that he will never pull off the cowboy hat look.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.