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The 10 Worst Movie Remakes EVER

The 10 Worst Movie Remakes EVER

By Vadim Newquist

The only thing worse than a terrible movie is a terrible movie that's been made before. Their original counterparts serve as sad reminder of what's been done far better and often leave us with the simple question: "WHY?". So here's a list of remakes that aren't that big on thrills but heavy on the FAIL.

10. Tim Burton's Planet of The Apes -

Generally, the bulk of Tim Burton's re-makes are among his worst films, so it's quite a strong statement to say that Planet of the Apes is Tim Burton's worst remake, but it is by a LONGSHOT. Not only did this film inexplicably look so inexpensive that they might as well have built the set with legos, but absolutely none of Tim Burton's trademark style was to be found. Couple all of that with a ridiculous, face-palm inducing ending and you've got a film that will provoke you to say, "Get off of my screen, you damn dirty Ape!"

9. Clash of the Titans - 2010

The cheesy original was hardly sacred, but it was revered as one of the last great examples of stop-motion special effects from the guru himself, Ray Harryhausen. Twenty-first century CGI and 3-D steamrolled such clankiness, but the result lacked flavor, character, thrills and charm.

8. The Wicker Man - 2006

The Wicker Man was a chilling, 70's horror film gem with an ending that brings to mind the best of The Twilight Zone. Its remake was a stupefyingly bizarre and ham-fisted take on the original that was impossible to take seriously. To its credit, the film is often so exceptionally terrible that it moves into so bad it's good territory, and you do get to see Nicolas Cage punching out an old lady in a bear suit. So there's that.

7. Godzilla - 1998

Mathew Broderick is awesome, unless we're supposed to take him seriously as an action star. Broderick tries his best to hold this Jurrasic Park in Manhattan wannabe together, but its bland, formulaic take on the subject matter made it a dud, and P. Diddy sampling Led Zepplin on its soundtrack did nothing to dull the pain.

6. Gus Van Sant's Psycho - 1998

In the late 90's, right after Gus Van Sant scored his first mainstream hit with Good Will Hunting, he asked a bold question: What would happen if you took one of the greatest films of all time and remade it shot for shot? The answer: BOREDOM!

5. The Invasion - 2007

There have been five remakes of Invasion of The Body Snatchers, and this Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig vehicle is by far the worst. In the end, it couldn't make up its mind whether it was an intellectually compelling psychological thriller or yet another zombie action film. We would have settled for either, so long as it didn't stink this bad.

4. House of Wax - 2005

This disastrous by the numbers horror flick was the highly touted acting debut of Paris Hilton, and that's really all you need to know now, isn't it?

3. Swept Away - 2002

This Madonna vehicle is so bad that it almost seems like a film Guy Ritchie was obligated to make for her upon signing their marriage contract. In fact, the movie is so bad that it provoked Ritchie to even refer to it with a series of expletives that we can't reprint here, just hours after its premiere. Ouch.

2. RollerBall - 2002

This movie stars LL Cool J and that other guy from American Pie, in a film about competitive, full contact rollerblading. Sound bad? It's worse!

1. Rob Zombie's Halloween -

Whoever gave Rob Zombie a twelve million dollar check to make this fiasco should have been fired and tried for crimes against humanity. John Carpenter's original is a Hitchcockian horror classic that jumpstarted the slasher craze. Rob Zombie's hackneyed remake is an over the top mash up of every horror cliché known to man, with foul mouthed red necks thrown in for good measure. TARE-UH-BULL!

Did we miss any?

Tags: movies, horror, tim burton, reviews, trailers

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About the Author
Vadim Newquist

Vadim Newquist is a writer, director, actor, animator, fire fighter, stunt driver, martial arts instructor, snake wrangler and time traveling bounty hunter who scales tall buildings with his bare hands and wrestles sharks in his spare time. He can do ten consecutive backflips in one jump, make cars explode with his mind, and can give fifty people a high-five at once without even lifting his hands. He holds multiple PhDs in nuclear physics, osteopathic medicine, behavioral psychology, breakdancing, and chilling out. He currently resides in Gotham City inside his stately mansion with his butler Alfred and his two cats.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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