The 5 Worst Ideas For New Year's Eve Parties Ever
Celebrating New Year's Eve is like pizza: even when it's bad, it's still pretty awesome! It is New Year's Eve after all. Right?
Wrong! There are so many ways NYE could go awful. And we've compiled the top 5!
1. Ironic Mayan Apocalypse Parties
This is like Y2K 2012 style, except THE MAYAN APOCALYPSE ALREADY HAPPENED on December 21sr! That is, it failed to happen. Gloriously. We are all still here... unless it DID happen, and we are all in the Matrix. Then we wouldn't really be partying, we'd just think we were partying. Can one have irony in the Matrix? Are computers able to simulate the opposite of something's literal meaning? Are microchips capable of lateral thought. We just blew our own minds.
2. Who Got the Worst Christmas Socks Party
Think about it. We can just see this devolving into the worst hipster sock puppet show in the history of sock puppets, causing the ghost of Jim Henson to run away in fear. Go take those socks off, or at least cover them with fancy shoes, and turn it into a Worst Christmas Presents Exchange Party. Then at least you can exchange that 8th pair of woolen socks for someone's Instant Zipper 4-piece set. And the answer to your question is no, you can never have enough zippers.
3. Going to Times Square to Watch the Ball Drop
Here are the reasons why no sane
New Yorker sane person should do this. First, it's freezing. Second, you have to wait for hours packed like sardines in an enormous crowd. Freezing. Third, they don't let you leave to go to the bathroom. Correction: they let you leave, but once you do, you forfeit your spot. So people don't leave, but they get... let's just say, inventive. Fourth, you may have to talk to Ryan Seacrest. Fifth, the actual ball drop literally lasts 10 seconds, and then you'll be picking confetti out of your clothes for the next month after they dump it all over the crowd.
4. A Bagel-head party
Google "bagel-head fashion trend." Then think of this in a party situation. Have you run away screaming yet?
5. A Dress Your Dog-Up Party
Are we occasionally guilty of putting on a "Princess Paws" T-shirt on one of our four legged friends? Yes. Do we often troll Tumblr and Puppystream for the most adorably accessorized dogs ever? Naturally. Do we think there should ever be a party where a group of humans get together to convivially humiliate their pets by dressing them like furry dolls? No. Dogs have dignity too! Somebody please start that meme.
What do you think would be the worst idea for a New Year's Eve party?