I know, it already seems like so long ago—especially now that the future’s arrived and we’re wearing the matching silver jumpsuits and enjoying the flying cars of glorious 2013. But let’s stop communicating telepathically with our robots for a sec and (cue echo-y wizard voice) REMMMEEEMMMBEEERRR LAAAASSTTT YEEEAAR. Ok, Petunias? Let’s revisit some stuff that we forgot… because you never know when you might be shoved into a TARDIS and drilled on what’s been happening in your neck of the solar system (please can that happen?). Or maybe you’ll be on Space Jeopardy in 15 years or something?! You never know!
1) Work It
This was an actual TV show. In 2012. Men dressing up like women so they could… get… jobs …? The logic of this TV show was clearly airtight. No seriously, we need to remember this show because it’s proof that network executives are nothing but husks who are trying to feed us plotlines that taste like bubblegum out of that baby spoon shaped like an alligator. Sorry, ABC. Stop acting like CBS. Or USA. Or Spike TV.
2) American Idol… it’s still on
And the 2012 winner was named Phillip Phillips. We’ve never heard him sing, but the name alone makes him the Idol of my heart. He is our beautiful for spacious skies and my purple mountains majesty. He is our America.
3) Jeremy Lin
This guy! He make much good at the basketsballs! All the peoples went LINsane. It was LINtastic. We even cared about sports for a LIN (which is now a unit of time). Haha, no we didn’t. But the thing we did appreciate is that for one brief moment, newspaper headLIN(!) writers forgot that no one reads newspapers anymore and just rode that pun unicorn straight to pun town where they bought houses made out of puns with white picket puns in front. Then, they got married and had
2.5 puns (in the OVEN! = Nailed it).
Remember that day when a couple of our favorite websites went blackout so that the politicians wouldn’t take our internet away or something? Where are we on this issue? We’re all safe? Should we mobilize? No? Maybe? No. Probably no. Other people are on top of this, right? We’ll be busy falling into an internet sandtrap that goes pretty much like this: What’s the best Frank Ocean song? > Beyoncé’s baby’s name should be Millionaire… or Destiny's child > Destiny’s Child > the original Destiny’s Child > Bills, Bills, Bills > amazing karaoke songs > how much is it to go to Japan? > real people who dress in frilly doll clothes.
5) Tanning lady
She might have gotten in trouble for putting her 6-year-old in a tanning bed—but the minute the world saw her face, we all forgot about the whole child endangerment thing and got concerned we might get cancer just by looking at her. If you can’t place her, immediately Google “scary tan lady” with or without quotes. I legitimately hope this woman got her life together because faces should not look like magma.
6) Joss Whedon’s still being awesome
Forever and ever.
7) The ridiculous spectacle that was the Olympics Opening Ceremony
A 100 foot tall Voldemort and Mary Poppins just came to fighting. The London symphony orchestra is doing chariots of fire with Mr. Bean is playing the synthesizer. David Beckham in a tux driving the Olympic torch via speedboat down the Thames. And Bond parachuting in with the Queen. Wow.
8) That one guy who ate that other guy
Wait… no one forgot this right? RIGHT? Never ever forget this happened. It’s too scary. We can’t even talk about it. Aaaagh! Remember Work It?!
What did you think was the most forgettable thing about 2012?