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10 Things We Have To Invent Before Colonizing the Galaxy

10 Things We Have To Invent Before Colonizing the Galaxy

By Vadim Newquist

Planet Earth is getting more crowded every day, and due to depleting resources, we very well may be living in the dystopian future that so many science fiction films envision before we know it. For this reason, man must and WILL find a way to colonize neighboring planets. Unfortunately, a lot stands in our way right now from just blasting off into space and building condos on Mars, so we thought we'd make a handy dandy list of things man must achieve before colonizing the galaxy. Hey NASA, are you listening?

1. Ridiculously large galactic space stations

We'd definitely need a Death Star or two to make this happen. These stations would serve multiple purposes, but would primarily serve as a rendezvous points between Earth and our other destinations so that precious cargo can be stored and sent more easily.

2. Oxygen generators

Chances are you know this, but in case you didn't, there's no air in space! We'd probably need to remedy that situation if we're to take the idea of space colonization seriously. This could be achieved in a number of ways. Perhaps we could bombard Mars with hundreds of thousands of CO2 emitting bombs; maybe we could modify the human body to convert gases on other planets to oxygen; or maybe we could just bring an endless supply of scuba diving tanks along with us… Come on science, do we have to do all the work over here?!

3. A Water Supply

Even if we had a steady oxygen supply, we'd be toast soon enough without a reliable water source. Since the idea of transporting a billion water coolers to Mars is a difficult task, to say the least, we'd probably have to find a way to generate water on our own.

4. A Food Supply

As delicious as the idea of consuming Tang and dehydrated astronaut ice cream for eternity sounds, we'd probably have to find ways to create a food source that wasn't dependent on being shipped from planet Earth.

5. Robots That Won't Kill Us All

There's no way to get around it, we're going to have to build some insanely intelligent robots capable of performing a whole range of activities that would either prove difficult or impossible to us humans. The trick is to get them to that point of intelligence and capability without them wanting to stage a Matrix style insurrection against humanity.

6. Photon Torpedoes

They seem to do a good job at thwarting the Klingons and Romulans on Star Trek, and given that we'd be making ourselves much more vulnerable to a space attack, we'd have to make sure that we had a fair share of Photon Torpedoes before embarking on this quest. What are photon torpedoes made out of, anyway? Photons? Torpedoes? Somebody get on this, please.

7. Energy Shields -

The energy shields are even more important than the photon torpedoes, without them, how will we be able to withstand the Romulan death rays?

8. Warp Drive

Ok, if the photon torpedoes have no effect and the energy sheilds can't withstand another hit, our only plan will be to get the heck out of there, fast. Warp Drive is really handy in these situations, so we'd probably have to study the onboard engine capabilities of the Millenium Falcon before we take up this colonizing space venture as well.

9. Light Sabers

How are we going to have stand-offs against the Empire without the use of decent light sabers? They've got them; we need to have them too!

10. Ewoks

It's going to be really lonely on whatever planet we colonize without some adorable animals to keep us company. We vote for learning how to genetically engineer Ewoks. They're like super intelligent dogs on two legs, and they definitely would never get smart enough to overthrow us. Plus, they have the best tree houses.

What are the top 5 things you'd take to space with you?

Tags: life, return of the jedi, space, nasa, space shuttle, ewoks

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About the Author
Vadim Newquist

Vadim Newquist is a writer, director, actor, animator, fire fighter, stunt driver, martial arts instructor, snake wrangler and time traveling bounty hunter who scales tall buildings with his bare hands and wrestles sharks in his spare time. He can do ten consecutive backflips in one jump, make cars explode with his mind, and can give fifty people a high-five at once without even lifting his hands. He holds multiple PhDs in nuclear physics, osteopathic medicine, behavioral psychology, breakdancing, and chilling out. He currently resides in Gotham City inside his stately mansion with his butler Alfred and his two cats.

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