Top 10 Things That Are WAAAAY Creepier Than They Should Be
In the information age it's not terribly hard to find things that will disturb the bejeezus out of you. Everything from horror movies featuring axe wielding psychos to German death-metal played by dudes in what appear to be masks made of human-skin... these are always just a click away. Often, though, what's most disturbing are the things that weren't even trying to be disturbing in the first place. So with that in mind, here are top 10 things we think have no business being as creepy as they are.
10. Salerno Cookies Commercial With Cookie The Bear
If given the choice between being locked in a cage with a wild grizzly that hasn't eaten in five days or this insanely creepy talking teddy bear, we'd take our chances with the grizzly. The way his head bobbles around as though it could fall off his neck at any second, coupled with his demented clown voice, just makes our inner child curl up in the fetal position and cry.
9. The Creepy Mouth Machine -
Engineers at Kagawa University in Japan are currently developing a talking robotic version of a human mouth, and although that may seem like a novel idea, the final product is nothing short of terrifying. If their aim is to replicate our mouths effectively, they have a long way to go, but if they're trying to haunt our nightmares for the rest of our lives, they've succeeded and then some.
8. Every Ventriloquist Dummy Ever Made -
There isn't a single ventriloquist dummy we've ever seen that doesn't look like it could suddenly fly into the center of the room and deliver a Satanic incantation while spewing blood from it's freaky mouth at any moment. And that's reason 5,462 why we're so deathly afraid of Jeff Dunham.
7. This Cat with a Snake in its Nose -
What??? How did this even happen??? Cats are supposed to just sit around licking their bellies and be cute all day; not have a writhing serpent springing from their nose!
6. Easter Bunny Suits -
Has there ever been an Easter Bunny suit in the history of mankind that wasn't super-creepy? Honestly, every single one we've seen is a bona fide horror-show. Don't believe us? Well, feast your eyes on this, this, and THIS!
5. The Rejuvenique Face Mask -
This bizarre, massaging face mask may not have been a big seller with its target "middle-aged housewives" demographic, but in the coveted "middle-aged psychopaths that keep corpses stored inside of meat lockers" demographic, it was a stunning success.
4. THIS Thing -
We're not even going to bother trying to understand this one. We're just going to stroll casually to the next item on the list, and act as though we never saw this. Mannequin guitar? Sorry, never heard of it…
3. Anthropomorphic Food Mascots -
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that so many food commercials turn their products into walking, talking, and often adorable mascots? I mean, we're grinding these things into tiny chunks and dissolving them into mush with our stomach acids, and yet they just seem to be totally psyched about the whole thing. It's just not right.
2. Get The Groove! -
If getting the groove entails dancing in the most repulsive way possible, count us out!
10. Ronald McDonald Insanity -
If you've stuck with us this long, congratulations, you're a brave soul, indeed. We've been working on this article for five months now, and we can barely stand to look at more than one of them a month. And we cannot, for the life of us, though, get through this insanely creepy video. Can you?
What's the most unintentionally creepy thing you've ever seen?