Steep, chill, relax.
Grab two bags of green or black tea, and make yourself a pot. Then let the bags hang out in the fridge until they are quite cold. In the meantime, drink your tea. That part won’t de-puff your eyes, but you can practice lifting up your pinky and sounding British. Once the bags are cold, place the over your closed eyes for a few relaxing minutes, careful not to get any tea in your eyes. This looks even weirder than using cold cucumbers, but it works! The coolness is soothing, and the caffeine helps reduce swelling.