10 Breakfast Cereals We Have Major Issues With
We love cereal. It’s easily one of the best foods ever invented! It’s fast, delicious, and is the most underrated component of a healthy and balanced dinner ever. But, as every cold cereal connoisseur knows, some of these products have one or two major drawbacks. Here are some super-serious cereal faux pas we thought we’d share:
1. Cap’n Crunch
You prolly already know why. The Cap’n is the reason someone might invent Band-Aids for the inside of your mouth—you’ll need a gallon of Anbesol after you polish off a bowl! Sure, it’s delish, but c’mon! Is it really worth the bleeding gums? We’re on the fence here.
2. Frosted Flakes
The anti-Cap’n Crunch, these sugared flakes get soggy the millisecond they touch milk. In order to prevent ending up with a bowl of soggy mush, you have to eat these without pause. And let's face it, we’re too sluggish in the mornings to move that fast! Especially if it's a Saturday.
3. Count Chocula
We take no umbrage with the product itself—it remains reliably chocolaty, kooky, and delicious. Our qualm is with the manufacturers, who decided to limit the production of Count Chocula, Frankenberry, et. al, making them only available seasonally since 2010. So, every year around Halloween, you can indulge in chocolate and marshmallow goodness. But that’s it. And that upsets us verily.
4. Cream of Wheat
More like Cream of What?! It’s not cereal; it’s a weird breakfasty bran paste, and we want no part of it. If oatmeal starts looking flavorful and interesting, you know you’re in trouble!
The award for Blandest, Most ‘Meh’ Cereal goes to: Kix! Seriously, if you want the flavored version, try Trix. It’s much better. Kix is just weird little yellow puffballs that taste like Cheetos without the cheese powder.
First, we don’t like what it’s called. Life is a beautiful, dense, complicated subject that can only be captured or encompassed in book titles and children’s board games. Also, what’s the deal with having, like, 50 ‘different’ flavors that all taste exactly the same the second they hit the milk? Seriously, we’re just gonna pass on Life and its cousin, Rice Chex, thanks.
7. Special K
What’s so special about it? If you have to add a pound of sugar to something to give it any flavor whatsoever, what’s the point? You might break your tooth on these flavorless flakes, and for what? At least Raisin Bran has raisins!
8. Waffle Crisp
We have issues with WC because it straight up lies. It neither tastes like waffles, nor does it stay crisp. We’d much rather have real waffles, or something that actually stays delicious and crisp, like Cinnamon Toast Crunch!
We love this traditional cereal, but our issue with is it kind of a gross personal one. Honey Smacks is kinda like the asparagus of cereals—as in, it totally makes your pee smell weird. Is there a more eloquent way to put that? We’re not sure, but fans of the Smacks know what we’re talking about...
10. Ghostbuster’s Cereal
Yes. This existed. Hence, our only complaint: existed, past tense. It came out in the mid-1980’s and was discontinued in the early 1990’s, and we’re not sure why! It was delicious! Think Fruit Loops with little ghost marshmallows! Yes, please!
Which breakfast cereals do you love/have issues with?