Top 10 Things We DON'T WANT On the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary
The upcoming 50th Anniversary special now holds EVEN MORE weight because of Matty's imminent departure. It could be amazing! Or it could be... well... not. Here’s our breakdown of what we’d like not to see when the big 50th Anniversary Special eventually rolls around. (Some SPOILERS of the last 7 series ahead, so be warned.)
1) All the Doctors Reunited
Look, it would be amazing to have the last three Doctors together at once, ever better to have the last 8! But those first three Doctors—well, that’s going to get a little tricky. It’s pretty much either stock footage or animated corpses, and from what we have seen in the past, animated corpses would be the less awkward option.
2) Nude Sontarans
Trust us on this—no one needs to see that. Just look at a Russet potato. Look real close.
3) Tragedies Undone
There’s a lot of pressure to do big things with an anniversary like this, and Doctor Who is already a show about doing enormous things. The temptation may be there to try to take one of the show’s big, emotional gut-punches (the death of the Time Lords, Rose’s exile, Donna’s forgetting, etc.) and reverse it for the sake of audience impact. We don’t want it! The Doctor’s adventures are only scary if we know that sometimes, just sometimes, things don’t work out in the end.
4) Sonic Angle Grinder
Did you know that in addition to the 9 versions of the sonic screwdriver, Doctor Who has also featured a sonic blaster, sonic probe, sonic lance, sonic cane, sonic pen, and sonic lipstick? We're probably good at this point. (Although to be fair, we did just lose a Sonic drive-through nearby, and that sucked, so maybe we still need more sonic in our lives.)
5) Overt Romantic Involvement
We all love the Doctor, but a lot of us LOVE the Doctor, which is good. The show is about the romance of adventure in a very classical sense. For that reason, the Doctor can never really, unambiguously get the girl. Sure he loved Rose and he married River, but those are both tragic and ultimately unfulfilled loves. We need him to be able to fall in love and get his heart broken in a never-ending loop in order to project ourselves into his life. Not so hot for the Doctor, but so much bittersweet fun for us.
6) Sparkly Vampires
We can’t see any reason why they would be in the 50th anniversary, but we like to say it anyway, just to keep our position on the subject clear.
7) TARDIS Revamp
There have been 13 different versions of the TARDIS control room set over the decades (including two with the current Doctor). We get it—it’s changey on the inside, now just let it be for a while and put those production dollars into more Ood.
8) The Dobby Doctor
9) Weeping Angels
Now hear us out—Blink remains arguably the best episode of Doctor Who ever made. It is commonly touted (and rightly so) as the episode to use if you want to introduce someone to the series. But you know which episodes no one suggests you use for that purpose? "The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone." And you know which episode no one ever recommends, even to fans of the series? "The Angels Take Manhattan." For whatever reason, there has been a stark law of diminishing returns at work on Weeping Angel story-lines. Our best estimations say that if they do one more Weeping Angel episode at this point, it will just be 44 minutes of puppy funerals with a soundtrack of farts being played over it.
10) The Derek Jacobi Effect
Once upon a time Doctor Who featured an eminent and award-winning Derek Jacobi in the part of the evil Time Lord, the Master. Only, he played the Master for 4 minutes and 30 seconds before he regenerated into the more (how shall we say this)—excitable John Simm version of the character, who we are then stuck with for 4 episodes. Now let’s just say (super spoilery non-spoiler ahead), for example, that some other famous British actor had been cast as some other amazingly important Time Lord. This time, we better get our money’s worth before he goes away. We fell for the old bait-and-switch once, Doctor Who, so now we've got our eye on you.
What do you actually WANT to see on the 50th Anniversary Special?