The Chinese version of Iron Man 3 included an extra subplot that was not only useless as a third buttcheek, but unintentionally hilarious with its intentional product placement and shameless name exploitation.
And the Chinese didn't like it. ...Which we understand. But we happen to love it when filmmakers fail to realize that their super serious scene just died, stabbed to death by bad delivery or a horribly cheesy line, or some combination of both.
Take a look-see:
1. "Imperial Battleship! Halt the flow of time!" —Star Crash
We've already highlighted hilariously shameless Star Wars ripoff Star Crash in this article. Star Crash has become famous not only for robots with boobs and gratuitous use of David Hasselhoff, but also for this scene where the Emperor's son says that they're all about to die and the Emperor, played by Christopher Plummer, replies in the sweetest voice that he wouldn't be emperor if he didn't have at least one Deus Ex Machina up his sleeve. And then...this.
2. "Mother, you're alive!" "Too bad you will die!" —Mortal Kombat
We're not going to lie to you and tell you we've seen Mortal Kombat. We have no idea what's going on here, but this scene is utterly hilarious if only for the fact that we can easily believe that this lady's mom had some badass line set up, but got stage fright, blanked, and decided she could mouth-fart anything out as long as the delivery was good. And by "good," we mean "melodramatic as fudge."
3. "Get the cheese to sickbay." —Star Trek: Voyager
This deadpan quote from the Voyager episode "Learning Curve" comes after the crew of the Voyager discover that the thing that's been crippling their ship is bacterial spores from Brill cheese. While you're at it, somebody get the screenwriters to sickbay.
4. "I shall meet you at the monorail!" —X-Men
You don't need to know who the X-Men are running from, or why they need to buy time...you don't even need to know if Storm met them at the monorail. You just need to know that Storm really got caught up in the moment and declared this to the skies.
5. "It's a faaaaake!" —Star Trek: DS9
Spock has to be our first favorite Vulcan, but Senator Vreenak is a close second. We don't remember why he's so pissed, or what was so important about the little rod he's strangling in his fist...we just know this is the most angry whisper in human history accompanied by the Ed Begley Jr. version of a Vulcan.
In an English movie filmed by almost exclusively non-English speakers where vegetarian goblins turn people into plants so they can eat them and that's the least strange part of the plot, this stands out as the true gem. It slowly dawns on our main character, Joshua, that not only is he going to get screwed by goblins—he's going to be screwed 4 million times, every time someone watches this video on YouTube.
7. "KHAAAAN!" —Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
We apologize for putting three Star Trek quotes on this list, and don't think that we specifically hate Star Trek—but this has to be Captain Kirk's most hilarious line ever. His face resembles a spider monkey whose nuts just got stolen.