The 5 Most Dangerous Toys
Toys are meant to delight, inspire, and entertain both the young and young at heart. But that’s talking about this whistle-blowing generation and its set of safety regulations. Years ago, playtime had that underlying risk of personal injury, and you can bet no one was complaining... aside from overprotective parents. Which playthings sent kids from the backyard to the emergency room? See for yourself in our list of the 5 of the most dangerous toys!
1) Lawn Darts
There was no better way to grind an outdoor family reunion to a screeching, tragic halt faster than a rousing game of lawn darts. They were the ideal toy for kids wishing to tease death: Flying metal-tipped missiles of pain that, based on this description, come off more as weapons than recreational equipment. In fact, whether intentional or not, lawn darts resemble the lead plumbata wielded by the Roman legions of yore. Plumbatae had the same function as their contemporary counterparts, except maiming others was intentional (and encouraged) as opposed to accidental.
2) Creepy Crawlers Oven
In the ‘90s, a company known as ToyMax virtually created a money-printing machine when it decided to relaunch the Creepy Crawlers oven for a whole new generation, cashing in on licensed molds based on major franchises including Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers and Batman Forever. Bugs, Batman, and Power Rangers; what could possibly go wrong? Let’s elaborate for a minute: the light bulb generated an uncomfortable amount of heat, as a result the metal creature molds got—surprise!—extremely hot, and the bugs amounted to blister-inducing globs of goo if they were handled too early. Shortcomings aside, this still was the greatest toy ever!
3) Shrinky Dinks
“Jenny wanted to make a gift for her mom’s birthday using Shrinky Dinks... but she said not to play with the oven when she wasn’t home. That nagging crone can’t tell me what to do—I’m ten! thought Jenny, cranking the oven dial to a skin-blistering 450 degrees. Needless to say Jenny got royally burned, from the injury and her mom’s reaction to the cheapest birthday present ever. Shrinky Dinks comes with everything you see here—cheapskate daughter not included.”
2) Snack Time Cabbage Patch Kid
The Snack Time Cabbage Patch Kid (a.k.a. Childhood Obesity Primer Cabbage Patch Kid) was released in 1996, featuring a motorized mouth in which snack items—ranging from a stick of gum to the thinnest banana in plastic food history—could be inserted and magically eaten with dead-eyed gusto by the doll. It was all fun and games until reports trickled in that children were getting their skin, fingers, and hair caught in the doll’s mouth, initiating a massive recall and widespread refunds within the same year. Though we have to say that a voucher for a free, non-bloodthirsty Cabbage Patch doesn’t alleviate the trauma of getting eaten alive by what can only be compared to Chucky.
1) Pogo Bal
Pogo sticks are equal parts fun and danger, but to their credit they at least have a set of handlebars that give the impression of relative safe. Now Pogo Bals—prominent during their ‘80s heyday with a small resurgence today—remove that aforementioned feature and increase the likelihood of face-planting onto the pavement by 100% with a 0% margin of walking away without a busted nose and brain damage. Sadly that’s the price we must pay for our human desire to be the coolest person at the concert or serving drinks, if the commercial is anything to go by.
What was your favorite childhood toy?