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The Worst Superhero Alter Egos to Invite to Your Birthday

The Worst Superhero Alter Egos to Invite to Your Birthday

By Anthony DeVito

So, you’re having a birthday party! But, who should you invite? Maybe the nerdy reporter from the Daily Planet? Or, the lifelong billionaire who is afraid of bats? What about the crafty scientist you met in anger management class? Bad idea, don’t invite any of them! Here are some of the worst superhero alter egos to invite to your birthday party.

One would think, on the surface, Bruce Wayne is a great guest. He’s well educated and has traveled the world. But, there’s a certain level of snobbery associated that kind of character. We imagine most conversations with Wayne end up the same. He talks endlessly about “the market”, where to buy a good chandelie,r and doles out unsolicited advice on sailing.

Selina Kyle, also known as Catwoman, is an awful guest because by trade she’s a burglar. There is always someone at the party with whom you need to be mindful of your belongings. Consider everything in your house stolen if you invite Kyle to a get-together. Also, she spends most of her time hanging out with cats; you don’t just rid of that smell with a shower.

Superman’s alter go, Clark Kent, is madly in love with Lois Lane and is a classic dork. So, all Kent probably talks about is how pretty Lois look in that dress and what’s new in the world of calculators.

Inviting Bruce Banner is a dicey move. Sure, he’s a brilliant scientist, but if you make him angry, party's over. Also, your house is now demolished. And, it’s hard enough getting your rental deposit back, as is.

The Riddler, Edward Nygma, is an easy choice for a terrible guest. First of all, his giggle stinks. Secondly, no one likes riddles. Having a conversation with Nygma has to be excruciating. The only thing probably more painful is watching Batman Forever.

Lesser known Billy Batson, the other half of Captain Marvel, is not the ideal guest. Mainly, because he’s twelve years old. So, now you have to watch your mouth for the whole party.

It’s always nice to have royalty at parties, so the presence of Diana Prince, AKA Wonder Woman, seems like a logical move. But, the only issue with royalty is it’s incredibly hard for them to relate to common people. We could just see eyes rolling as Diana goes on and on about being the “Princess of Themiscyra.”

When inviting folks to a party, it’s fun to have someone who can do a couple of card tricks. So, reaching out Remy LeBeau, also known as Gambit of the X-Men, feels like a no brainer. But, he’s of French descent and most people find them irritating. Also, he’s a trained thief. (see Selina Kyle)

Another seemingly good guest is Tony Stark. But, Ironman’s alter ego is a pompous, self important, quip machine. Sometimes, you just want to eat a chicken finger in silence. The guy never shuts up and after a while, we're sure it gets old. Just ask Pepper.

What superhero would you invite to your birthday party?

Tags: superheroes, batman, tony stark, superman, iron man, bruce wayne, alter egos, clark kent

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About the Author
Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is a NYC based comic. Originally from New Jersey, he was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the 2012 Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, recently taped a Gotham Comedy Live on AXS TV, performed at the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and 2013 SF Sketchfest, and is also the former host of "Say What?!" on the NOC TV. You can follow him on Twitter @anthonydevito_

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