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We Did a Fake Interview With Ant-Man

We Did a Fake Interview With Ant-Man

By Anthony DeVito

Marvel Entertainment

Ever wonder what it’d be like to conduct a fake interview with a fictional character? Yeah!? This week we sat down with Marvel superhero Ant-man and asked him the tough questions.

So, you operate under the alias Ant-Man and my name is Anthony. What are your thoughts?
I don’t know how I would have any thoughts about that.

I understand you’re one of the founding members of the Avengers. So, why weren’t you in the movie? Is it true Samuel L. Jackson and you don’t get along?
No, that’s not true at all. I know him. He’s a friend. Well, not a close friend, but if he called me on the phone I’d answer.

Yeah, but who isn’t answering their phone if Samuel L. Jackson is on the other end?
Someone who is mad at him.

Like a bunch of snakes on a plane?
Snakes can’t make phone calls.

So, now you’re a snake expert. I though it was just ants.
No, you don’t have to be a snake expert to understand snakes can’t operate telephones.

Well, what about smart phones? My Mom can operate one of those and she’s pretty computer illiterate.
Is your Mom a snake?

No.
Well, there you go.

Your superpower enables you to shrink down to a microscopic size or expand yourself to upwards of 100 feet. Have you ever seen Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?
No, I haven’t.

It’s this movie with Rick Moranis. He accidentally shrinks himself and his family down to a miniature size. It’s pretty good.
What does that have to do with me?

I don’t know, just trying to make conversation. So, you’ve experienced life through the unique lens of being very small and very large. How has that affected your world view?
When shrunken, you gain an appreciation for the things that would otherwise go unnoticed. And, as a giant, you can really step back and see how those tiny things come together to create our world.

It seems like you went unnoticed when Paramount was deciding which superheroes were going to be included in the Avengers.
That’s unfair.

I’ll tell you what’s unfair, Hawkeye on the big screen for two and a half hours.
Well, there is a movie based on my life scheduled to come out in the year 2015.

I’ll believe that when I see it. Your arch nemesis is a fella named Egghead. That’s probably why you weren’t in the Avengers, because Egghead is a silly name for a villain.
It’s not so silly when he gains control of the ant population and disrupts the very fabric of our society.

Yes it is. That’s the very definition of silly. Does it bother you other superheroes have incredible powers such as the ability to fly or X-ray vision and you can talk to ants?
Well, I’m not talking to you anymore.

Is it because I’m not an ant? My name is Anthony. I thought that’d be close enough.
You have a brain the size of an ant. That’s the only resemblance.

What superhero do you want us to do a fake interview with?

Tags: movies, samuel l. jackson, books-and-comics, the avengers, marvel entertainment

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About the Author
Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is a NYC based comic. Originally from New Jersey, he was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the 2012 Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, recently taped a Gotham Comedy Live on AXS TV, performed at the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and 2013 SF Sketchfest, and is also the former host of "Say What?!" on the NOC TV. You can follow him on Twitter @anthonydevito_

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.