Skip over navigation

Mindhut

6 Goofy Comic Book Heroes Not Quite Ready for the Big Screen

6 Goofy Comic Book Heroes Not Quite Ready for the Big Screen

By Ryan Britt

istockphoto.com

With the humorous-leaning Guardians of the Galaxy impending this August, and movies like Ant-Man in the works, it’s easy to believe that goofy, slightly uncool, and even more unrecognizable superheroes are coming to a cinema near you in the next few years. But maybe not every single comic book hero needs their own big-budget movie. Here are six that may not be quite ready for their close-up. (Though you never know, maybe the are!)

Speedy

Yes, the side-kick of the Green Arrow had kind of appeared on the TV show Arrow in two sort of guises—once as Arrow’s sister, and once with his own more recognizable name: Roy Harper. But being second-arrow-trigger to a B-Squad superhero like Green Arrow pretty much puts Speedy in an uncool zone. It also doesn't help that the most memorable storyline about Speedy from the comics involves his addiction to heroin. The only hope for a cinematic Speedy would have to be the female incarnation of the character: Mia Dearden, a person who seems more independent and also doesn't have a drug problem. Male Speedy; nope. Female Speedy? Probably.

Krypto

He’s Superman’s dog and he can fly and he has a cute little cape. Actually this would make a great movie: it would blow away Homeward Bound and any of the Beethoven movies in direct-to-DVD or TV movie sales. Not sure everyone would come out in droves at the box-office though. Maybe if Krypto was a cartoon movie and he was voiced by Owen Wilson? Then, maybe.

Bat-Mite

Not really a hero at all, but more of a faux-Mr. Mxyzptlk, Bat-Mite has Impish or Genie-like powers depending on how you spin it. (He’s also similar to Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation) And because Bat-Mite’s existence relies on his worship of Batman, a Bat-Mite feature film would need to feature Batman, meaning his own movie is almost totally out of the question. It’s actually sort of surprising that with the tone and quality of the Joel Schumacher films that he never showed up in Batman Forever or Batman and Robin.

Doll-Man

Shrinking down to the a small size is arguably a very useful super-power, and automatically creates a great dynamic between what we consider to be amazing feats and the relative scale said feats could occur on. Created by famed comic-guru Will Eisner back in 1939, Doll-Man has lapsed mostly into obscurity probably because other shrinking-heroes have better monikers. It’s too bad though, Doll-Man seems sort of sweet and awesome.

Quiet Bill

Hanging out with the mutant Gambit is pretty cool, and Quiet Bill’s powers of opening up inter-dimensional doorways also kind of rock, but it’s hard to get too excited about that name. If Quiet Bill were turned into a big-screen Marvel Hero, they’d probably have to do it as a comedy, mostly because it’s impossible to imagine a Peter Cullen-style-movie-trailer-voice-person booming the words “QUIET BILL. SUMMER 2016!” and anyone taking it seriously.

Aquaman

Nearly every attempt to make Aquaman cool has failed, and even on Smallville, he came across like a jerk. For some, the image of Aquaman talking to dolphins in an effort to get them to splash someone seems to be a pretty lame and a bizarrely convoluted super-power. Add to that the notion that he’s actually the King of Atlantis, and suddenly the prospect of making this into a movie people somehow take seriously seems hard. True, we would have said the same thing in 2011 about Thor, and to be fair, that movie required the Shakespearean gravitas of director Kenneth Branagh to pull off. Weirdly, the only person we can picture in the contemporary actor-scape who could play Aquaman would be Chris Hemsworth, which, you know, might not work. But hey! What do we know: before he was a well-liked Captain America, Chris Evans was on fire—and not in a good way—as the Human Torch.

What weird and out-there comic book characters do think would make for bad-subjects of feature films? What about good ones?

Tags: movies, disney, superheroes, lists, dc, marvel

Write your own comment!


Write your own comment!


About the Author
Ryan Britt

Ryan Britt's writing has appeared with The New York Times, Omni Reboot, Tor.com, Clarkesworld, Crossed Genres, Story Magazine, The MindHut and elsewhere. He's performed stories on stage with The Moth, The Liar Show, and is the curator of two reading series; Lust for Genre and The HiFi Reading Series. He teaches at The Gotham Writers' Workshop and lives in New York City. Follow him on Twitter @ryancbritt.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.