Everyday Objects That Could Turn on You Any Minute
Last week a 13-year-old girl from North Texas got a rude awakening when her Samsung phone overheated underneath her pillow and almost set her bed on fire. And although Samsung have promised to replace the phone, the pillow and the mattress (thank God!), it’s safe to say that our faith in the safety of everyday objects has been sorely shaken. It got us thinking… what other stuff could turn on us any minute? Here’s what we came up with.
It’s sometimes worth reminding ourselves just exactly what a microwave is doing so we can be terrified about what would happen if they all started malfunctioning. This is a small metal box that is cooking things from the inside out like some kind of weird horror sci-fi torture device. And what's more, it heats things with – and there’s no other word for it – prolonged doses of radiation. That’s nuts! When did we start thinking these little domestic gizmos were anything other than a miniature nuclear threat?
The stairs. The stairs. They may seem innocuous, but when you start to do the math, things get real scary real fast. Think about how often you use the stairs. If you live on the ground floor, perhaps very little (thank your lucky stars), but if you don’t, well… it’s got to be a least a few times a day, right? Now consider the damage that just one tumble could do. It only takes one misstep to put you in traction for weeks – or worse. If you ask us, Rocky was lucky to get away with incorporating them so deeply into his exercise routine. It's time something changed – we’re going to start petitioning Congress to install safety slides in every American home from now on.
You may think your bed is a haven of safety; a place to lie down, relax and forget about the stresses of your everyday life. But did you know that every year, 600 Americans die by falling out of their beds? These things are basically catapulting people into the floor! And although 600 may not sound huge when you remember that the US has a population of over 3 Million, it DOES sound huge when you compare it to the number of fatal shark attacks every year, which is 0.5. That’s right: beds are 1,200 times more dangerous than sharks. You'd be safer sleeping in the sea!
Research has shown that watching six hours of TV every day will reduce your life expectancy by about five years. And although we are wondering who has six spare hours a day just to watch TV (don’t, like, eating, sleeping, working and washing factor in somewhere?), it’s interesting to note that that pretty much puts watching the tube on par with smoking a few cigarettes every night. We’re certainly looking at our sets a little differently right now (or rather, not looking at them… you know what we mean). But what’s the solution? We’re nerds! We want to keep up with all the latest well-meaning-if-slightly-disappointing comic book adaptation serials! Easy: just watch on your laptop. The report says nothing about computer use, which leads us to believe that staring at a monitor for days straight has no adverse health affects whatsoever. Whew!
We’ve all had it happen: you’re following your GPS somewhere and suddenly it’s telling you to go down a road that doesn’t exist, or up a one-way street the wrong way, or drive off a cliff or whatever. Either these things aren’t completely perfect OR they’re actively trying to kill us. Call us paranoid, but we happen to think it’s the latter. After all, the robot apocalypse is going to happen at one point – everybody knows that – so who’s to say it won’t start with navigation computers giving us deliberately terrible directions? Just to be safe, every time we use our GPS, we put in the wrong location on purpose. Deal with that, you electronic monster!
What other everyday objects could turn on you?