Of Mice and Conclusions

We've been talking a lot about thesis paragraphs recently; let's change gears for a moment and take a look at a conclusion.

Conclusion paragraphs should do two things:

1. Briefly sum up the paper

2. Broaden out slightly to encompass an idea beyond the scope of the paper

Let's see how this Sparkler does:

As you can see, the novella Of Mice and Men projects a longing of the human heart. It shows that despite the minor differences between Crooks, Candy, and Curley’s wife, they all share a common burden. All three characters long for a different life, where they can achieve their dreams and also belong. They all try to confide in others about their burdens, in hope of easing their sorrows and quieting their fears. “All men’s misfortunes spring from their hatred of being alone” (Jean de la Bruyere) is a quote which can truly relate to the novella, as we observe these three characters who yearn and strive so hard, toward their happiness, which may after all be out of their reach.

I've put my comments in red:

As you can see, [there's nothing wrong with this phrase, but it is a bit obvious. It kind of whomps you over the head with the fact that we're now entering the conclusion] the novella [by this point, you've already referred to the work as a novella. Probably don't need to repeat the word again] Of Mice and Men projects a longing ["projects a longing"—I'm far from convinced that "projects" is an accurate verb here] of the human heart. [and what does "projects a longing of the human heart"?] It shows that despite the minor differences between Crooks, Candy, and Curley’s wife, they [not to get all fussy on you, but technically, "they" could refer to the minor differences or to the characters] all share a common burden. All three characters long for a different life, where [be careful with "where." Most writers use it too often, especially in place of "which"] they can achieve their dreams and also belong. They all try to confide in others about their burdens, in hope [non-idiomatic] of easing their sorrows and quieting their fears. “All men’s misfortunes spring from their hatred of being alone” (Jean de la Bruyere) is a quote [good quotation, but it's woven into the sentence awkwardly] which can truly relate to the novella, as we observe these three characters who yearn and strive so hard, toward their happiness, which may after all be out of their reach. [tie the quotation more closely to the rest of the sentence. Is happiness out of reach because these characters are alone?]

The paragraph sums up the paper admirably. It's still missing that slight broadening outward, however.

Of Mice and Men illustrates how desperately people long for companionship. While there are minor differences between Crooks, Candy, and Curley’s wife, all three characters are united by their desire for a different life, one in which they can achieve their dreams and also belong. Jean de la Bruyere wrote, “All men’s misfortunes spring from their hatred of being alone.” These characters' misfortunes certainly spring from their hatred of loneliness—but so do their few moments of comfort. It's their hatred of loneliness that drives them to confide in others about their burdens. And while Crooks, Candy, and Curley's wife may not find true happiness, those moments of connection ease their sorrows and give them a little peace.

I'm not sure this is my finest effort—I'm making a convoluted argument in those final two sentences—but do you see what I mean about opening up the focus a little? If you've been talking about how miserable and alone everyone is for five paragraphs, you've got to do something slightly different in the last lines. If all you do is summarize, you give your paper an airless, pinched feeling. Open it up and let some light in.

You can reach me at missmarm@sparknotes.com.