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WELL, when they was all gone the king he asks Mary Jane how they was off
for spare rooms, and she said she had one spare room, which would do for
Uncle William, and she’d give her own room to Uncle Harvey, which was a
little bigger, and she would turn into the room with her sisters and sleep
on a cot; and up garret was a little cubby, with a pallet in it. The king
said the cubby would do for his valley—meaning me.
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When the crowd had gone, the king asked Mary Jane if they had any spare
bedrooms in the house. She said she had one spare room, where Uncle William
could sleep. She would give up her own room, which was a little bigger, to
Uncle Harvey, and she would sleep on a cot in a room with her sisters. There
was a little nook up in the attic with a pallet in it, which the king said
would be perfect for his valet—meaning me.
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So Mary Jane took us up, and she showed them their rooms, which was plain
but nice. She said she’d have her frocks and a lot of other traps took out
of her room if they was in Uncle Harvey’s way, but he said they warn’t. The
frocks was hung along the wall, and before them was a curtain made out of
calico that hung down to the floor. There was an old hair trunk in one
corner, and a guitar-box in another, and all sorts of little knickknacks and
jimcracks around, like girls brisken up a room with. The king said it was
all the more homely and more pleasanter for these fixings, and so don’t
disturb them. The duke’s room was pretty small, but plenty good enough, and
so was my cubby.
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So Mary Jane took us upstairs and showed the king and duke their rooms,
which were plain but nice. She said she’d have her frocks and accessories
taken out of her room if they were in Uncle Harvey’s way, but he said they
weren’t. The frocks were hanging along the wall behind a curtain made of
calico that hung down to the floor. There was an old hair trunk in one corner and a guitar case in another. All sorts of little
knickknacks and odds and ends that girls used to freshen up with were lying
around. The king said these details make it more homey and comfortable, and
he asked that they not be removed. The duke’s room was pretty small, but
good enough, and so was my little nook up in the attic.
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That night they had a big supper, and all them men and women was there,
and I stood behind the king and the duke’s chairs and waited on them, and
the niggers waited on the rest. Mary Jane she set at the head of the table,
with Susan alongside of her, and said how bad the biscuits was, and how mean
the preserves was, and how ornery and tough the fried chickens was—and all
that kind of rot, the way women always do for to force out compliments; and
the people all knowed everything was tiptop, and said so—said “How DO you
get biscuits to brown so nice?” and “Where, for the land’s sake, DID you get
these amaz’n pickles?” and all that kind of humbug talky-talk, just the way
people always does at a supper, you know.
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That night they had a big super, and all of those men and women were
there. I stood behind the king and the duke’s chairs and waited on them. The
n------ waited on the rest. Mary Jane sat at the head of the table. Susan
sat next to her. She kept saying how bad the biscuits were, how course the
preserves were, how poor and tough the fried chickens were, and all the
other garbage that women always say when looking for compliments. Everyone
knew that everything on the table was first rate, and they said so. They
said, “How DO you get biscuits to brown so nicely?” and “Where, for land’s
sake, DID you get these amazing pickles?” and all that kind of flattery,
just the way people always do at supper, you know.
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And when it was all done me and the hare-lip had supper in the kitchen off
of the leavings, whilst the others was helping the niggers clean up the
things. The hare-lip she got to pumping me about England, and blest if I
didn’t think the ice was getting mighty thin sometimes. She says:
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When the meal was done, me and Joanna, the harelipped girl, had ate
leftovers in the kitchen while the others helped the n------ clean up. The
harelipped girl started asking me about England, and I’ll admit it felt like
I was walking on some pretty thin ice sometimes. She said:
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“Did you ever see the king?”
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“Did you ever see the king?”
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“Who? William Fourth? Well, I bet I have—he goes to our church.” I knowed
he was dead years ago, but I never let on. So when I says he goes to our
church, she says:
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“Who? William IV? Sure I have—he goes to our church.” I knew that he’d
died years ago, but I never let on that I knew. So when I said that he goes
to our church, she said:
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“What—regular?”
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“Really? Regularly?”
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“Yes—regular. His pew’s right over opposite ourn—on t’other side the
pulpit.”
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“Yes, regularly. His pew is right across from ours—on the other side of
the pulpit.”
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“I thought he lived in London?”
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“I thought he lived in London.”
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“Well, he does. Where WOULD he live?”
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“Well, he does. Where else WOULD he live?”
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“But I thought YOU lived in Sheffield?”
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“But I thought YOU lived in Sheffield.”
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I see I was up a stump. I had to let on to get choked with a chicken bone,
so as to get time to think how to get down again. Then I says:
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I saw that I was trapped. I had to pretend I was choking on a chicken bone
to stall for time so I could think of a way out. Then I said:
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“I mean he goes to our church regular when he’s in Sheffield. That’s only
in the summer time, when he comes there to take the sea baths.”
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“I mean, he goes to our church regularly when he’s in Sheffield. That’s
only in the summer time, when he goes there to take sea baths.”
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“Why, how you talk—Sheffield ain’t on the sea.”
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“What are you talking about? Sheffield isn’t on the sea.”
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“Well, who said it was?”
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“Well, who said it was?”
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“Why, you did.”
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“You did!”
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“I DIDN’T nuther.”
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“I DIDN’T either.”
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“You did!”
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“You did!”
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“I didn’t.”
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“I didn’t.”
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“You did.”
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“You did.”
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“I never said nothing of the kind.”
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“I never said anything like that.”
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“Well, what DID you say, then?”
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“Well, what DID you say, then?”
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“Said he come to take the sea BATHS—that’s what I said.”
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“I said he comes to take sea BATHS—that’s what I said.”
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“Well, then, how’s he going to take the sea baths if it ain’t on the
sea?”
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“Well, then how is he supposed to take a sea bath if it isn’t on the
sea?”
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“Looky here,” I says; “did you ever see any Congress-water?”
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“Look here,” I said. “Have you ever seen Congress water?”
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“Yes.”
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“Yes.”
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“Well, did you have to go to Congress to get it?”
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“Well, did you have to Congress to get it?”
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“Why, no.”
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“Well, no.”
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“Well, neither does William Fourth have to go to the sea to get a sea
bath.”
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“Well, neither does William IV have to go to the sea to get a sea
bath.”
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“How does he get it, then?”
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“How does he get it then?”
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“Gets it the way people down here gets Congress-water—in barrels. There in
the palace at Sheffield they’ve got furnaces, and he wants his water hot.
They can’t bile that amount of water away off there at the sea. They haven’t
got no conveniences for it.”
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“He gets it the same way people down here get Congress water—in barrels.
There are furnaces in his palace in Sheffield, and he likes his baths hot.
They can’t boil that much water that far away from the sea—they don’t have
the technological capability to do that.”
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“Oh, I see, now. You might a said that in the first place and saved
time.”
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“Oh, I get it. You could have said that in the first place and saved
time.”
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