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The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

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When she said that I see I was out of the woods again, and so I was comfortable and glad. Next, she says: After she said that, I knew I’d gotten out of the predicament I’d been in. I was glad and felt more at ease. Then, she said:
“Do you go to church, too?” “Do you go to church, too?”
“Yes—regular.” “Yes—regularly.”
“Where do you set?” “Where do you sit?”
“Why, in our pew.” “Why, in our pew, of course.”
“WHOSE pew?” “WHOSE pew?”
“Why, OURN—your Uncle Harvey’s.” “OURS—your Uncle Harvey’s”
“His’n? What does HE want with a pew?” “HIS? What does HE want with a pew?”
“Wants it to set in. What did you RECKON he wanted with it?” “He wants to sit in it. What do you THINK he’d want it for?”
“Why, I thought he’d be in the pulpit.” “Well, I thought he’d be in the pulpit.”
Rot him, I forgot he was a preacher. I see I was up a stump again, so I played another chicken bone and got another think. Then I says: Darn him, I’d forgotten he was a preacher. I saw that I was in a fix again, so I pretended to choke on another chicken bone and took another drink. Then I said:
“Blame it, do you suppose there ain’t but one preacher to a church?” “Darn it, do you think there’s only one preacher for each church?”
“Why, what do they want with more?” “Why would they want more than one?”
“What!—to preach before a king? I never did see such a girl as you. They don’t have no less than seventeen.” “What? To preach of for a king! I never saw such a girl as you. They don’t have any fewer than seventeen preachers.”
“Seventeen! My land! Why, I wouldn’t set out such a string as that, not if I NEVER got to glory. It must take ’em a week.” “Seventeen! My word! Why, I wouldn’t be able to sit there and listen to them all, even if it did mean I couldn’t go to heaven. It must take them a whole week to finish the service.”
“Shucks, they don’t ALL of ’em preach the same day—only ONE of ’em.” “Shucks, they don’t ALL preach on the same day—only one of them does.”
“Well, then, what does the rest of ’em do?” “Well, then, what do the rest of them do?”
“Oh, nothing much. Loll around, pass the plate—and one thing or another. But mainly they don’t do nothing.” “Oh, not much. They sit around, pass the collection plate, that kind of stuff. But usually they don’t do anything.”
“Well, then, what are they FOR?” “Well then what are they there FOR?”
“Why, they’re for STYLE. Don’t you know nothing?” “Why, they’re there for STYLE. Don’t you know anything?”
“Well, I don’t WANT to know no such foolishness as that. How is servants treated in England? Do they treat ’em better ’n we treat our niggers?” “Well, I don’t WANT anything to do with such foolishness as that. How are servants treated in England? Do they treat them better than we treat our n------?”
“NO! A servant ain’t nobody there. They treat them worse than dogs.” “NO! A servant isn’t anybody there. They treat them worse than dogs.”
“Don’t they give ’em holidays, the way we do, Christmas and New Year’s week, and Fourth of July?” “Don’t they give them holidays, the way we do? Christmas and New Year’s week, and the Fourth of July?”
“Oh, just listen! A body could tell YOU hain’t ever been to England by that. Why, Hare-l—why, Joanna, they never see a holiday from year’s end to year’s end; never go to the circus, nor theater, nor nigger shows, nor nowheres.” “Listen to you! Anyone could tell YOU haven’t ever been to England just by the way you talk. Why, Hare—Joanna—the servants there don’t get a holiday all year. They never go to the circus, or the theater, no n----- shows, not anywhere.”
“Nor church?” “Not even church?”
“Nor church.” “Not even church.”
“But YOU always went to church.” “But YOU always go to church.”
Well, I was gone up again. I forgot I was the old man’s servant. But next minute I whirled in on a kind of an explanation how a valley was different from a common servant and HAD to go to church whether he wanted to or not, and set with the family, on account of its being the law. But I didn’t do it pretty good, and when I got done I see she warn’t satisfied. She says: Well, I was up a creek again. I forgot I was the old man’s servant. But in a minute, I came up with the explanation that a valet was different from an ordinary servant and HAD to go to church and sit with the family whether he wanted to or not. It was the law. But I didn’t explain it very well, and when I finished I could see that she wasn’t satisfied. She said:
“Honest injun, now, hain’t you been telling me a lot of lies?” “Honestly now—have you been telling me a lot of lies?”
“Honest injun,” says I. “Honestly, I haven’t.”
“None of it at all?” “None at all?”
“None of it at all. Not a lie in it,” says I. “None at all. There wasn’t a lie in anything of it,” I said.
“Lay your hand on this book and say it.” “Put your hand on this book and swear.”
I see it warn’t nothing but a dictionary, so I laid my hand on it and said it. So then she looked a little better satisfied, and says: I saw that it wasn’t anything but a dictionary, so I put my hand on it and swore that I was telling the truth. She look a little more satisfied and said:
“Well, then, I’ll believe some of it; but I hope to gracious if I’ll believe the rest.” “Well then, I believe some of it. But I really don’t believe all of it.”
“What is it you won’t believe, Joe?” says Mary Jane, stepping in with Susan behind her. “It ain’t right nor kind for you to talk so to him, and him a stranger and so far from his people. How would you like to be treated so?” “What don’t you believe, Jo?” asked Mary Jane as she stepped in with Susan behind her. “It isn’t right or kind of you to talk like that to him, especially since he’s a stranger and so far from his people. How would you like to be treated that way?”
“That’s always your way, Maim—always sailing in to help somebody before they’re hurt. I hain’t done nothing to him. He’s told some stretchers, I reckon, and I said I wouldn’t swallow it all; and that’s every bit and grain I DID say. I reckon he can stand a little thing like that, can’t he?” “You always do that, Maim—always sailing in to help someone before they’re hurt. I haven’t done anything to him. He’s been exaggerating, I think, and I said I wouldn’t believe all of what he said. And that’s all I said. I figure he can tolerate a little thing like that, can’t he?”
“I don’t care whether ’twas little or whether ’twas big; he’s here in our house and a stranger, and it wasn’t good of you to say it. If you was in his place it would make you feel ashamed; and so you oughtn’t to say a thing to another person that will make THEM feel ashamed.” “I don’t care whether it was little or whether it was big—he’s a stranger here in our house, and it wasn’t good of you to say it. If you were in his place it would make you feel ashamed. And so you ought not to say a thing to another person that will make THEM feel ashamed.”
“Why, Maim, he said—” “But, Maim, he said….”
“It don’t make no difference what he SAID—that ain’t the thing. The thing is for you to treat him KIND, and not be saying things to make him remember he ain’t in his own country and amongst his own folks.” “It doesn’t make any different what he SAID—that isn’t the point. The point is for you to treat him KINDLY and to not say things that remind him that he isn’t in his own ountry and among his own people.”
I says to myself, THIS is a girl that I’m letting that old reptle rob her of her money! I thought to myself, THIS is the girl that I’m letting that old reptile rob!

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