Then Susan SHE waltzed in; and if you’ll believe me, she did give Hare-lip
hark from the tomb!
Then Susan chimed in and gave Harelip a chewing out that would raise the
dead, if you can believe it.
Says I to myself, and this is ANOTHER one that I’m letting him rob her of
So I thought to myself, this is ANOTHER girl that I’m letting him rob!
Then Mary Jane she took another inning, and went in sweet and lovely
again—which was her way; but when she got done there warn’t hardly anything
left o’ poor Hare-lip. So she hollered.
Then Mary Jane started in again, though sweetly and lovingly this time,
which was just her way. When she finished, there was hardly anything left of
poor Harelip, who’d started crying.
“All right, then,” says the other girls; “you just ask his pardon.”
“All right, then,” said Mary Jane and Susan. “Just ask him for
She done it, too; and she done it beautiful. She done it so beautiful it
was good to hear; and I wished I could tell her a thousand lies, so she
could do it again.
She did so, and she did it beautifully. It was really nice to hear. I wish
I could tell her a thousand lies so that she could apologize again.
I says to myself, this is ANOTHER one that I’m letting him rob her of her
money. And when she got through they all jest laid theirselves out to make
me feel at home and know I was amongst friends. I felt so ornery and low
down and mean that I says to myself, my mind’s made up; I’ll hive that money
for them or bust.
I said to myself again, this is ANOTHER one that I’m letting him rob. And
when she finished apologizing, all three girls relaxed to make me feel
comfortable and let me know that I was among friends. I felt so awful and
low and miserable that I made up my mind to steal that money back for them
or go down trying.
So then I lit out—for bed, I said, meaning some time or another. When I
got by myself I went to thinking the thing over. I says to myself, shall I
go to that doctor, private, and blow on these frauds? No—that won’t do. He
might tell who told him; then the king and the duke would make it warm for
me. Shall I go, private, and tell Mary Jane? No—I dasn’t do it. Her face
would give them a hint, sure; they’ve got the money, and they’d slide right
out and get away with it. If she was to fetch in help I’d get mixed up in
the business before it was done with, I judge. No; there ain’t no good way
but one. I got to steal that money, somehow; and I got to steal it some way
that they won’t suspicion that I done it. They’ve got a good thing here, and
they ain’t a-going to leave till they’ve played this family and this town
for all they’re worth, so I’ll find a chance time enough. I’ll steal it and
hide it; and by and by, when I’m away down the river, I’ll write a letter
and tell Mary Jane where it’s hid. But I better hive it tonight if I can,
because the doctor maybe hasn’t let up as much as he lets on he has; he
might scare them out of here yet.
So I headed off. I said I was going to bed, meaning I would be going to
bed eventually. When I was alone, I started thinking things over. I asked
myself if I should go see the doctor privately and tell on these frauds. No,
that wouldn’t do. He might reveal who told him, and then the king and duke
would come after me. Shall I go and tell Mary Jane in private? No—it would
be too risky to do it. Her face would surely give her away. They had the
money, and they’d just skip out and run off with it. And, if she were to
send for help, I’d get mixed up in the whole business before it was done
with, that’s for sure. No, there was only one way to resolve this. I had to
steal that money somehow. I had to steal it in a way that wouldn’t bring
suspicion upon myself. I knew I had time to do it, too, since the king and
the duke had a good thing going here, and they weren’t about to leave til
they’d played this family and this town for all they were worth. I would
steal it and hide it and, after I’d made my way down the river, I’d write a
letter and tell Mary Jane where it was hidden. But I figured I should steal
it that night, if I could, because the doctor hadn’t given up as he had let
on. He might scare the king and the duke out of town.
So, thinks I, I’ll go and search them rooms. Upstairs the hall was dark,
but I found the duke’s room, and started to paw around it with my hands; but
I recollected it wouldn’t be much like the king to let anybody else take
care of that money but his own self; so then I went to his room and begun to
paw around there. But I see I couldn’t do nothing without a candle, and I
dasn’t light one, of course. So I judged I’d got to do the other thing—lay
for them and eavesdrop. About that time I hears their footsteps coming, and
was going to skip under the bed; I reached for it, but it wasn’t where I
thought it would be; but I touched the curtain that hid Mary Jane’s frocks,
so I jumped in behind that and snuggled in amongst the gowns, and stood
there perfectly still.
So, I thought to myself, I’ll go and search those rooms. The hall upstairs
was dark, but I found the duke’s room and started groping around in there
with with my hands. Then I figured that it wasn’t the king’s style to let
anyone else take care of that money. So I went to his room and began to poke
around in there. I couldn’t see anything without a candle, though, and it
was definitely too risky to light one. I settled for another option—wait for
them to show up and eavesdrop. Just then I heard their footsteps. I was
going to slide under the bed, but when I reached out for it, I found it
wasn’t where I thought it would be. Instead, I touched the curtain that hid
Mary Jane’s frocks, so I jumped behind it, snuggled in amongst the gowns,
and stood perfectly still.
They come in and shut the door; and the first thing the duke done was to
get down and look under the bed. Then I was glad I hadn’t found the bed when
I wanted it. And yet, you know, it’s kind of natural to hide under the bed
when you are up to anything private. They sets down then, and the king
They came in and shut the door. The first thing the duke did was to get
down on the floor and look under the bed, which made me glad I hadn’t found
the bed when I wanted it. Then again, it’s kind of natural to hide under the
bed when you’re trying to hide. They sat down, and the king said:
“Well, what is it? And cut it middlin’ short, because it’s better for us
to be down there a-whoopin’ up the mournin’ than up here givin’ ’em a chance
to talk us over.”
“Well, what is it? Keep this pretty short, because it’s better for us to
be down there crying and mourning, rather than up here giving them a chance
to talk about us.”
“Well, this is it, Capet. I ain’t easy; I ain’t comfortable. That doctor
lays on my mind. I wanted to know your plans. I’ve got a notion, and I think
it’s a sound one.”
“Well, here it is, Capet. It isn’t easy—I’m not comfortable. I’ve been
thinking about that doctor. I want to know what your plan is. I’ve got an
idea myself, and I think it’s a solid one.”
“What is it, duke?”
“What’s your idea, duke?”