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The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

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“You old scoundrel, I didn’t, and you know I didn’t. There, now!” “You old scoundrel. I didn’t, and you know I didn’t. There!”
“Well, then, I b’lieve you. But answer me only jest this one more—now DON’T git mad; didn’t you have it in your mind to hook the money and hide it?” “Well, then I believe you. But answer just one more question for me. Now don’t get mad, but weren’t you planning to the steal the money and hide it?”
The duke never said nothing for a little bit; then he says: The duke didn’t say anything for a bit. Then he said:
“Well, I don’t care if I DID, I didn’t DO it, anyway. But you not only had it in mind to do it, but you DONE it.” “Well, what does it matter if I DID plan that? I didn’t DO it. You were also thinking about doing it, and you actually did it.”
“I wisht I never die if I done it, duke, and that’s honest. I won’t say I warn’t goin’ to do it, because I WAS; but you—I mean somebody—got in ahead o’ me.” “If I did it, duke, then I wish I would never die. That’s the honest truth. I won’t say I wasn’t planning to do it, because I WAS. But you—I mean, someone—beat me to it.”
“It’s a lie! You done it, and you got to SAY you done it, or—” “Liar! You did it, and you had better SAY you did, or else….”
The king began to gurgle, and then he gasps out: The king sputtered a bit, then gasped:
“’Nough!—I OWN UP!” “Enough! I confess!”
I was very glad to hear him say that; it made me feel much more easier than what I was feeling before. So the duke took his hands off and says: I was very glad to hear him say this—it made me feel much easier about things. So the duke let go of the king and said:
“If you ever deny it again I’ll drown you. It’s WELL for you to set there and blubber like a baby—it’s fitten for you, after the way you’ve acted. I never see such an old ostrich for wanting to gobble everything—and I a-trusting you all the time, like you was my own father. You ought to been ashamed of yourself to stand by and hear it saddled on to a lot of poor niggers, and you never say a word for ’em. It makes me feel ridiculous to think I was soft enough to BELIEVE that rubbage. Cuss you, I can see now why you was so anxious to make up the deffisit—you wanted to get what money I’d got out of the Nonesuch and one thing or another, and scoop it ALL!” “If you ever deny it again, I’ll drown you. It’s a fine thing for you to sit there and cry like a baby—it’s just perfect, especially after the way you acted. I’ve never seen such a greedy old ostrich who wanted to eat up everything in sight. I trusted you the whole time as if you were my own father. You ought to be ashamed of yourself to stand there and let a bunch of poor n------ take the blame without coming to their defense. It makes me feel ridiculous to think I was gullible enough to BELIEVE that rubbish. Damn you. I can see now why you were so anxious to make up the deficit—you wanted to get all the money that I’d made from the other schemes too!”
The king says, timid, and still a-snuffling: Still sniffling, the king said rather timidly:
“Why, duke, it was you that said make up the deffisit; it warn’t me.” “Why, duke, it was you that suggested making up the deficit. It wasn’t me.”
“Dry up! I don’t want to hear no more out of you!” says the duke. “And NOW you see what you GOT by it. They’ve got all their own money back, and all of OURN but a shekel or two BESIDES. G’long to bed, and don’t you deffersit ME no more deffersits, long ’s YOU live!” “Stop crying! I don’t want to hear anything more out of you,” said the duke. “And NOW you see what came of all your scheming. They’ve got all their own money back, and with the exception of a coin or two, all of ours too! Go to bed, and don’t say another word to ME about deficits for as long as you live!”
So the king sneaked into the wigwam and took to his bottle for comfort, and before long the duke tackled HIS bottle; and so in about a half an hour they was as thick as thieves again, and the tighter they got the lovinger they got, and went off a-snoring in each other’s arms. They both got powerful mellow, but I noticed the king didn’t get mellow enough to forget to remember to not deny about hiding the money-bag again. That made me feel easy and satisfied. Of course when they got to snoring we had a long gabble, and I told Jim everything. The king snuck back into the wigwam and started drinking to consol himself. After awhile, the duke took to his bottle and started drinking too. In about a half an hour, they were good buddies again. The drunker they got, the friendlier they got. Soon they were snoring in each other’s arms. They got pretty drunk, but the king was just sober enough to deny hiding the bag of money one more time. That made me relax a bit and feel satisfied that things were going to be okay. Of course, as soon as they started snoring, Jim and I had a long talk, and I told him everything.

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