As You Like It

by: William Shakespeare

Original Text

Modern Text

ROSALIND

Or else she could not have the wit to do this. The wiser, the waywarder. Make the doors upon a woman’s wit, and it will out at the casement. Shut that, and ’twill out at the keyhole. Stop that, ’twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney.

ROSALIND

Right. If she weren’t wise, she wouldn’t be smart enough to behave badly. The wiser the woman, the wilder. If you close the doors on a woman’s wit, it’ll fly out the window. If you shut the windows, it will pour out the keyhole. If you stop up the keyhole, it will escape from the chimney along with the smoke.

ORLANDO

A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say “Wit, whither wilt?”

ORLANDO

A man with a wife like that might ask, “Hey, wandering wit, where are you off to?”

ROSALIND

Nay, you might keep that check for it, till you met your wife’s wit going to your neighbor’s bed.

ROSALIND

Nah, better save the questions for when you find her in your neighbor’s bed.

ORLANDO

And what wit could wit have to excuse that?

ORLANDO

And what wit could excuse that?

ROSALIND

Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never take her without her answer unless you take her without her tongue. Oh, that woman that cannot make her fault her husband’s occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed it like a fool.

ROSALIND

She’ll say she was at the neighbor’s looking for you. You’ll never find her without an answer unless you find her without a tongue. A woman who doesn’t know how to make her own indiscretions look like her husband’s fault is hardly a woman. And she’s hardly fit to be a mother—her child will turn out to be a fool.

ORLANDO

For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.

ORLANDO

Rosalind, I have to leave you for two hours.

ROSALIND

Alas, dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.

ROSALIND

Oh, no! Darling, I can’t live without you for two hours.

ORLANDO

I must attend the duke at dinner. By two o'clock I will be with thee again.

ORLANDO

I must join the duke for lunch. I’ll be back here with you by two o'clock.

ROSALIND

Ay, go your ways, go your ways. I knew what you would prove. My friends told me as much, and I thought no less. That flattering tongue of yours won me. 'Tis but one cast away, and so, come, death. Two o'clock is your hour?

ROSALIND

Oh, go, leave me. I knew you’d turn out this way. My friends told me as much, and I knew it, too. But I was won over by your flattering words. I’m just another girl whom you’ve cast aside. So, take me, death! You’ll be back at two o'clock?