February 22: George Washington’s Birthday
We’re stuck in that stagnant period of deep winter when days just sort of blend into each other. A week just rolled by, and I swear nothing happened. Wake up, hit snooze, get bundled up, go to class, eat, talk, do homework, eat, sleep. Repeat. My conversations with Nikki go back to the same focal point—me describing Brittany, in minute detail, since Nikki didn’t in fact see her, and the fun time she had with Dennis wasn’t enough to erase Luke from her brain. Luke, meanwhile, missed four days of school this past week because of the funeral and the wake, so Nikki isn’t sure what’s up with them. The only thing we know is that she definitely can’t stop thinking about him.
Nikki isn’t the only one. Because, see, I have a secret to admit. Something I didn’t even write down when I was describing that whole miserable episode with Jeremy at the hotel.
God, I don’t even know if I can make myself put it on paper now. No, I have to. If I get it out, maybe I’ll realize it’s crazy, and it’ll be out of my system. Right? Right.
Okay. Deep breath. Here it is: When Jeremy and I were in that hotel room, the reason I couldn’t go through with it wasn’t just that I wasn’t ready to have sex, even though I’m really not, and I know that now for sure. There was more. It was also that I didn’t want to have sex with Jeremy. And I think I know why. I think it’s because of something that changed between me and Luke on those swings.
I think I’m falling for Luke.