ACT + Parents + Pressure = Arrrgh!!!

The following email came from a test-crazed Sparkler who is really feeling the heat:

Hi, my name is Anna. Recently, I found out that one of our family friends' son just got a 32 on the ACT. That doesn't sound too bad, does it? Well...he's in the 7th grade and was doing that for the Duke Talent Identification Program. When I was his age, I did the same thing and only scored a 20.

I am miffed and a smidge jealous, but now my parents are breathing down my neck because they want me to beat his score since I am now in the 10th grade and going to take my first ACT in April. They keep pressuring me to practice and when I did take the practice test for English and scored a 27, my father called me a failure and said I'd never amount to anything. Yes indeed, that hurt very much. We aren't on much speaking terms at the moment; so how do I tell them to stop pressuring me and let me study at my own pace?

Poor Anna! I imagine this is a scenario familiar to many of you. No matter what you accomplish, your parents put pressure on you to go one better. Maybe this attitude is a product of the culture your parents grew up with. Maybe it's just the way they were raised. Or maybe it's one of a hundred other factors. But even if you understand why your parents act like this, it doesn't make the pressure any easier to deal with.

So here's our advice to Anna, and anyone else who is contending with parental pressure: Brainstorm a few ways to approach your parents about the situation. They might be open to sitting down and having a rational conversation about how their pressure is effecting you. If they are open to talking, then make sure you organize your thoughts beforehand. This will show them that you are serious. And phrase your frustrations in terms of the way you feel ("I am feeling..."), rather than what they are doing to you ("You are making me...") Doing so will make them less defensive.

You could also try a little reverse psychology: If you announce that you feel like a failure with your ACT studying efforts, then they might switch roles and give you a pep talk. Another option is to silently buckle down with your ACT study guide (preferably in a place where they can see you) and let your actions show that you are taking this test seriously.

If your parents refuse to let up on the pressure, then you'll just have to do your best to tune them out and focus on your studies. Here are a few strategies:

1. Ignore the comparisons: Yes, it’s a bummer when your sister, a best friend, or some random 7th grader receives a better ACT score than you. A little competitive fire can be a good thing, but you can also waste a lot of energy obsessing over other people's performance. Just assume that the 7th grader is the reincarnation of Albert Einstein and forget about him. Set your own realistic goals and work to accomplish them.

2. Make an ACT study schedule: Make an ACT calendar and assign yourself practice exercises. Emphasize the areas in which you are most interested in improving your score. Also, aim to take a complete practice test each week. Display your calendar in a prominent place (this benefits you as well as your parents).

3. Remember that it's not life and death: Anna is in 10th grade, so she can take the ACT several more times during her junior and senior year. Think of your first official ACT as a starting point, and use it to gauge areas for improvement.

Keep this in mind: A single ACT score doesn't make you a failure in any way, shape, or form. Set your goals, make your preparations, and do your best on the test. Good luck, Anna!

Do your parents put a lot of pressure on you? How do you cope with it? Share in the comments, and send your questions to testpreptutor@sparknotes.com.

Related Post: Dealing With Parental Pressures