BigReader14: Sparklife itself is an esoteric culture: only the initiated, those who are smiled upon by the Sparkgods, are able to understand the wonder and beauty of such esoteric jokes like why I call the baby from Twilight Optimus Beyonce.
Don't let that clever title fool you: this is a Think Tank post, bitchez. We're trying this new thang where we don't use series' names in titles, as it can deter new audience members from clicking on certain posts. IS THE STRATEGY WORKING, SO FAR? ARE YOU A NEW AUDIENCE MEMBER WHO WAS UNDETERRED? Whatevs. As long as we've got our loyal PBD babies, we're fine. So here's this week's riddle—sure, it's a little late, but we lack in punctuality, we make up for in perspiration.
'olwhatshername: Here's the thing about sparklers. They do, in fact rule the world. Don't mess with them.
Non-sparkler: I lurv LOL cats. Sparklife is dumb.
Sparkler: You REMISS, unintelligible ignorant imbecile! The gods have no mercy for those who freely wastes brain neurons as you do.
Non sparkler: What?
Sparkler: Expelliarmus!!!!
juliagirlperson: The discursive cursive in her love letter was both attractive and agitative to simple-minded Tommy as he decoded the decorative script.
crimsonandclover23: Why is it that when I try to make an innocuous remark, it ironically ends up being so offensive that the whole world blows up in an explosion of nocuous-ness?
dream.catcher73223: Harry Potter was exuberant when he found out that Snape had passed on to the next dimension (the 11th dimension) and jumped for joy jollily while jestily joking at Malfoy, who was whimpering and wallowing on his weak legs while whispering incantations designed to whip Snape back to life.
This post is officially the smartest thing we've ever read, and we officially didn't understand any of it. Sunwave, you should work for NASA.—Sparkitors
If you’re anything like me, you’re starting to panic that the AP exams are only a few weeks away. Not to worry, though, because I’ve put together a guide for AP Chemistry that summarizes the entirety of the curriculum in a few super-fun bullet points!
charred_rose11: Harry Potter was so aggrieved that the Weasleys were out of his favorite brand of maple syrup (Magic Maple Zap Sap 2000! For all your magical breakfasty needs) that he had to run to his room and scream at Ron and Hermoine with dark sadness and rage about the difficulty of his life and the sure darkness of days to come.
sayWHAT??shutUP!!: Saying that Rebecca Black's song "Friday" is the worst song ever has become a platitude; I propose we call it the worst thing ever created in the entire multiverse.
'Sup, Sparklebutts? Here's what: Dagger is in the hizz-ouse to hand out some MAD CASH MONIES. (And by "mad cash monies," we of course mean "trivial, meaningless awards.") All y'all ACED the heezy out of last week's riddle—and many of you deemed it much too easy for the likes of your razor-sharp brains. This can only mean one thing: YOU'RE OFFICIALLY SMARTER THAN CHELSEA DAGGER. (But that's been painfully obvious since she slashed Martin Scorsese's tires and wrote "BUTT-CLOWN" on his windshield with whip cream.) Congratulations on surpassing the mind-power of a Sparkitor with a 3rd-grade reading level, dudes. Now, it's party time: today's new inductees will each receive one signed photograph of Chelsea's pet slug, Ernest Worthington IXV, and 3 packets of Splenda sugar (we risked our lives to steal them from the cafeteria). Enjoy!
