Chelsea Dagger is awfully sorry to have missed the Tank last week, butterbeans, but she's here now, munching on apologetic cherry tomatoes and weeping quietly like usual, and that's all that matters. She even cooked up a shiny new riddle-thang for you to puzzle over, and it involves two of the most debatably studly wizards in all of fiction: Draco "My Momma Says I'm Sassy" Malfoy, and Neville "Sometimes I Feel Like A Butt, Sometimes I Don't" Longbottom. Are you ready for this jelly? We don't think you're ready for this jelly. But we're going to give it to you anyway.

Don't let that clever title fool you: this is a Think Tank post, bitchez. We're trying this new thang where we don't use series' names in titles, as it can deter new audience members from clicking on certain posts. IS THE STRATEGY WORKING, SO FAR? ARE YOU A NEW AUDIENCE MEMBER WHO WAS UNDETERRED? Whatevs. As long as we've got our loyal PBD babies, we're fine. So here's this week's riddle—sure, it's a little late, but we lack in punctuality, we make up for in perspiration.

'Sup, Sparklebutts? Here's what: Dagger is in the hizz-ouse to hand out some MAD CASH MONIES. (And by "mad cash monies," we of course mean "trivial, meaningless awards.") All y'all ACED the heezy out of last week's riddle—and many of you deemed it much too easy for the likes of your razor-sharp brains. This can only mean one thing: YOU'RE OFFICIALLY SMARTER THAN CHELSEA DAGGER. (But that's been painfully obvious since she slashed Martin Scorsese's tires and wrote "BUTT-CLOWN" on his windshield with whip cream.) Congratulations on surpassing the mind-power of a Sparkitor with a 3rd-grade reading level, dudes. Now, it's party time: today's new inductees will each receive one signed photograph of Chelsea's pet slug, Ernest Worthington IXV, and 3 packets of Splenda sugar (we risked our lives to steal them from the cafeteria). Enjoy!

Chelsea Dagger is le'diculously excited about today's riddle ("le'diculous" is a lot like "ridiculous," except better, because it seems French)—so excited, in fact, that she spent the last hour doing victorious hip thrusts back and forth from the vending machine to her desk (the two are roughly 3 miles apart, so there was a handsome amount of wheezing involved). Whether or not you're going to be as pumped about today's brain teaser remains to be seen; Chelsea thought it up herself, and it's prettttyyyy tough. Think you're up to the challenge? Of course you do, because you're overly confident, and that's what we love about you. HAVE A LOOK:

You guys were so enamored with last week's riddles that the Dagger decided to throw another round at ya—but this time, she made them up herself. So lower your standards and bust out your dictionary: it's Proverb Time, y'all. (That's a lot like Hammer Time, but with less parachute-panting.)

You guys probably didn't know this, but when Chelsea Dagger was a little boy, her dearest dream was to one day become a famous t-shirt screen-printer. Well, that or a dinosaur, but the latter proved too difficult to accomplish, so she turned her considerable talents to fashion design and launched a fabulously unprofitable company that involved her scrawling words onto cheap cotton shirts with a mechanical pencil. News of her entirely undeserved and mostly imagined fame soon reached the wizarding world, and next thing you know, the Chosen One himself, Harry Freakin' Potter, was knockin' on Chelsea's door and asking for custom-made v-necks for himself and his two best friends, Ron "Shazam!" Weasley and Hermione "Boom It To The MAX" Granger. Now, the Dags isn't about to just hand out her 25-cent merchandise for free, so she agreed to make the shirts on one condition: the gang has to solve a riddle first. BET YOU CAN GUESS WHERE THIS IS GOING.

Remember last week, when we gave you a spectacular tale about Sherlock Holmes and fish murder and Wii? Well, that's not going to happen this week, because we're fresh out of Arthur Conan Doyle references (we only had, like, 3 to begin with). Instead, you're going to get a story about a character we JUST MADE UP OURSELVES, because we were in a particularly creative mood today after drinking 32 cans of Mountain Dew. Our character's name is Brock Leeway, and he's about to become your new best friend and/or soul mate. And/or benefactor. It will all make sense in a minute, dudes.

Ladies and gents, the cold spell is over: Chelsea Dagger is no longer stricken with Writer's Block (which is capitalized because it's a legitimate disease, like Measles, or Hypochondria)! Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that she's any less moron-ly than usual, but we'll take what we can get. And what we can get, at the moment, is a righteously over-wrought riddle involving your favorite ace detectives: Robert Downey Jr. and one Mr. Neville "I Eat Mystery For Breakfast, and It Tastes Gooooood" Longbottom.

You know when you've got such bad writer's block that you'll do anything, anything to avoid writing, from testing how many baby carrots you can comfortably fit up your nose (5) to making an elaborate, life-size, toothpaste diorama of your impending wedding to Joseph Gordon Levitt? Well, we don't. We have no idea what it's like to have writer's block. All of our writing flows effortlessly from our finely-shaped fingers without a moment of hesitation, doubt, or soul-crushing, ego-crippling, all-encompassing despair. In fact, it only took Chelsea Dagger 14 hours to write this paragraph. THAT'S the kind of unrivaled genius you're dealing with here at the Think Tank.

Last week in the Think Tank, Seamus flashed his sass in sparkly pantalones, and this week, he's got some competition: Draco Malfoy is about to shake things up with his delicious new dress robes (made from the fur of an endangered Siberian jaguar, which he caught and killed using nothing but fishing line, cupcake-scented candles, and Crabbe and Goyle as bait). Hogwarts is throwing an impromptu fashion show, and anyone with a passion for palliates and a crush on couture is allowed to enter—as long as they first solve Dumbledore's riddle. Unfortunately for Draco, he's not quite as bright as he is beautiful, so he needs your help to break the case—or else he won't be able to strut down the runway and make his father proud. So bust out your best thinking cap and crack this week's brain teaser, Draco Once Made A Hat Out Of A Baby Panda,  wide open.