Butts, it's time to ask the hard question: would I look good with a mustache?

Just kidding. That isn't a hard question at all. Of COURSE I would look good with a mustache. Are you KIDDING? My bone structure is flawless. My cheekbones are panes of GLASS. No, the hard question isn't about mustaches. The hard question is this: has the Think Tank finally, at long last, run out of gas?

Chelsea Dagger is awfully sorry to have missed the Tank last week, butterbeans, but she's here now, munching on apologetic cherry tomatoes and weeping quietly like usual, and that's all that matters. She even cooked up a shiny new riddle-thang for you to puzzle over, and it involves two of the most debatably studly wizards in all of fiction: Draco "My Momma Says I'm Sassy" Malfoy, and Neville "Sometimes I Feel Like A Butt, Sometimes I Don't" Longbottom. Are you ready for this jelly? We don't think you're ready for this jelly. But we're going to give it to you anyway.

Don't let that clever title fool you: this is a Think Tank post, bitchez. We're trying this new thang where we don't use series' names in titles, as it can deter new audience members from clicking on certain posts. IS THE STRATEGY WORKING, SO FAR? ARE YOU A NEW AUDIENCE MEMBER WHO WAS UNDETERRED? Whatevs. As long as we've got our loyal PBD babies, we're fine. So here's this week's riddle—sure, it's a little late, but we lack in punctuality, we make up for in perspiration.

In case you're in the middle of competing in the Hunger Games (sucks to be you!) and don't have full-time access to the interwebz, allow us to clue you in to the hottest new commodity on the block: the VLOG. But Chelsea Dagger, you're saying in your Mickey Mouse voice, why are you talking about the VLOG here, in a Think Tank post? The answer is simple: THE FAME HAS DRIVEN ME MAD. Yes, my new status as a Hollywood heavy-hitter (13 comments in less than 4 hours! Why, that's practically unheard of!) has gone straight to my already gargantuan head, and my Bieber Fever has been replaced with Dagger Disease (not quite as catchy, but just as potent). As such, today's Tank will revolve around the most glorious(ly sweaty) subject in the universe: CHELSEA "THE GODFATHER" DAGGER.

We bet you guys cried so many sweaty tears last week when the Think Tank took a temporary break—either that, or you just went about your day, smugly eating ice cream sandwiches as if your entire world hadn't just shattered into pieces. If the latter is true, you're a soulless monster and we despise you (though we surely do covet your ice cream sandwiches). If you wept like a Dagger at the end of LOTR 1 when you didn't see the Tank last week, we salute and adore you (just as we salute and adore Boromir, who died a foxy hero's death). Regardless, you'll be pleased (or heartlessly unaffected) to hear that not only is your favorite Test Prep series back this week, it also includes some of your most beloved Hogwarts characters. LET THE HALF-HEARTED CHEERING COMMENCE.

Chelsea Dagger is le'diculously excited about today's riddle ("le'diculous" is a lot like "ridiculous," except better, because it seems French)—so excited, in fact, that she spent the last hour doing victorious hip thrusts back and forth from the vending machine to her desk (the two are roughly 3 miles apart, so there was a handsome amount of wheezing involved). Whether or not you're going to be as pumped about today's brain teaser remains to be seen; Chelsea thought it up herself, and it's prettttyyyy tough. Think you're up to the challenge? Of course you do, because you're overly confident, and that's what we love about you. HAVE A LOOK:

You guys were so enamored with last week's riddles that the Dagger decided to throw another round at ya—but this time, she made them up herself. So lower your standards and bust out your dictionary: it's Proverb Time, y'all. (That's a lot like Hammer Time, but with less parachute-panting.)

You guys probably didn't know this, but when Chelsea Dagger was a little boy, her dearest dream was to one day become a famous t-shirt screen-printer. Well, that or a dinosaur, but the latter proved too difficult to accomplish, so she turned her considerable talents to fashion design and launched a fabulously unprofitable company that involved her scrawling words onto cheap cotton shirts with a mechanical pencil. News of her entirely undeserved and mostly imagined fame soon reached the wizarding world, and next thing you know, the Chosen One himself, Harry Freakin' Potter, was knockin' on Chelsea's door and asking for custom-made v-necks for himself and his two best friends, Ron "Shazam!" Weasley and Hermione "Boom It To The MAX" Granger. Now, the Dags isn't about to just hand out her 25-cent merchandise for free, so she agreed to make the shirts on one condition: the gang has to solve a riddle first. BET YOU CAN GUESS WHERE THIS IS GOING.

Remember last week, when we gave you a spectacular tale about Sherlock Holmes and fish murder and Wii? Well, that's not going to happen this week, because we're fresh out of Arthur Conan Doyle references (we only had, like, 3 to begin with). Instead, you're going to get a story about a character we JUST MADE UP OURSELVES, because we were in a particularly creative mood today after drinking 32 cans of Mountain Dew. Our character's name is Brock Leeway, and he's about to become your new best friend and/or soul mate. And/or benefactor. It will all make sense in a minute, dudes.

Ladies and gents, the cold spell is over: Chelsea Dagger is no longer stricken with Writer's Block (which is capitalized because it's a legitimate disease, like Measles, or Hypochondria)! Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that she's any less moron-ly than usual, but we'll take what we can get. And what we can get, at the moment, is a righteously over-wrought riddle involving your favorite ace detectives: Robert Downey Jr. and one Mr. Neville "I Eat Mystery For Breakfast, and It Tastes Gooooood" Longbottom.