A Sample “3” Argument Essay
What happens if you don’t follow our Argument essay template or if you
forget about the cast of characters? You get a mediocre score. Don’t even think
about arguing with that conclusion. See what we mean by taking a look at this
essay, which would receive a “3” on the exam. We’ve included it to show you what
not to do on test day.
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There are several reasons for the authors statement that
the primary reason for our deteriorating health is the
“sedentary lifestyle associated with today’s high-tech jobs,”
and that “our health will continue to decline as long as we
persist in our technological advances.”
While the author states that “studies show that, as we’ve
become more technically advanced, our health has deteriorated
rapidly. Heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and virtually every
major ailment are far more common today than they were 30 years
ago,” no evidence is presented that this link is relevant. While
it is possible that their is a connection between technolgy and
poor health, the author doesn’t support it. The author doesn’t
say that there are many other things that could contribute to
increases in health problems besides a sedentary lifestyle. In
addition, the author states that “studies show,” but does not
mention the numberr or kinds of those studies.
Finally, while the statement that health has deteriorated
over time may be true, the author says that the lifestyle
associated with “today’s high tech jobs” is responsible but does
not back it up. Without presenting more information and studies,
the author’s claim can be easily disproven.
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Why This Essay Deserves a “3”
Oof. Not so hot, this essay. Its so-so argument, mediocre
organization, and long-winded second paragraph cost this essay points. This
essay only includes two assumptions, and the second one is hardly developed.
Plus the conclusion is tacked onto the third paragraph. Our writer hasn’t
even clearly identified the assumptions underlying the topic’s argument.
Although the vocabulary is passable, the frequent typos are a distraction.
First, the essay loses major points for not including a great cast of
characters. Finally, quoting the topic does not count as including a
quotation.
But let’s look at it compared to the ETS criteria and to our criteria.
How do you think it’s going to measure up?
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ETS CRITERIA
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YES OR NO?
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Responds to the argument given in the
topic
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YES
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Identifies the key features of the argument and
analyzes each one in a thoughtful manner
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NO
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Supports each point of critique with insightful
examples and analysis
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NO
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Develops its ideas in a clear, organized manner, with
appropriate transitions to help connect ideas
together
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NO
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Demonstrates proficiency, fluency, and maturity in
its use of sentence structure, vocabulary, and
idioms
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YES
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Demonstrates an excellent command of the elements of
standard written English, including grammar, word usage,
spelling, and punctuation—but may contain minor flaws in
these areas
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NO
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OUR CRITERIA
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YES OR NO?
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Uses the three-act essay structure
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NO
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States conclusion in first sentence of paragraph
1
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YES
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Three reasons that support the thesis listed in
paragraph 1, in the order in which they’re discussed in
essay
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NO
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Topic sentence for reason 1 in paragraph
2
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YES
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Development sentences to analyze reason 1
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YES
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Topic sentence for reason 2 in paragraph
3
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YES
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Development sentences to analyze reason 2
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NO
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Topic sentence for reason 3 in paragraph
4
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NO
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Development sentences to analyze reason 3
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NO
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Conclusion (paragraph 5) rephrases thesis
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NO
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Conclusion (paragraph 5) expands position
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NO
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