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Two Sample SAT Essays—Up Close
Below is our sample essay question, which is designed
to be as close as possible to an essay question that might appear
on the SAT. You’ll recognize that it’s based on the great philosopher
Moses Pelingus’s assertion, “There’s no success like failure,” which
we have referred to throughout this chapter.
This particular essay topic presents you with a very broad
idea and then asks you to explain your view and back it up with
concrete examples. Not every SAT essay topic will take this form,
but every SAT essay question will require you to take a position
and defend it with examples.
Here’s the sample prompt again:
Consider carefully the following quotation
and the assignment below it. Then plan and write an essay that explains
your ideas as persuasively as possible. Keep in mind that the support you
provide—both reasons and examples—will help make your view convincing
to the reader.
“There’s
no success like failure.”
What is your view on the idea that success can begin with
failure? In an essay, support your position using an example (or
examples) from literature, the arts, history, current events, politics,
science and technology, or from your personal experience or observation. |
Below are two different versions of responses
to our sample essay question. We provide examples of a 6 essay and
a 4 essay, complete with a brief analysis of each essay and how
they differ from each other. We evaluate both essays according to
three sets of criteria:
- Our four essential essay ingredients
- The SAT grader’s checklist
- A checklist based on our Universal SAT Essay Template
As you read both examples, note that we have marked certain
sentences and paragraphs to illustrate where and how the essay does
or does not abide by our Universal SAT Essay Template.
A 6 Essay
Learning the lessons taught by failure
is a sure route to success. (THESIS STATEMENT) The United States
of America can be seen as a success that emerged from failure: by
learning from the weaknesses of the Articles of Confederation,
the founding fathers were able to create the Constitution,
the document on which America is built. (BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE
[1]) Google Inc., the popular Internet search engine, is another
example of a success that arose from learning from failure, though
in this case Google learned from the failures of its competitors.
(NEXT BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [2]) Another example that shows how success
can arise from failure is the story of Rod Johnson, who started
a recruiting firm that arose from Johnson’s personal experience
of being laid off. (NEXT BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [3])
The United States, the first great democracy
of the modern world, is also one of the best examples of a success
achieved by studying and learning from earlier failures. (TOPIC SENTENCE
FOR EXAMPLE 1) After just five years of living under the Articles
of Confederation, which established the United States of
America as a single country for the first time, the states realized
that they needed a new document and a new more powerful government.
In 1786, the Annapolis convention was convened. The result, three
years later, was the Constitution, which created
a more powerful central government while also maintaining the integrity
of the states. By learning from the failure of the Articles,
the founding fathers created the founding document of a country
that has become both the most powerful country in the world and
a beacon of democracy. (FOUR DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE
1)
Unlike the United States, which had its
fair share of ups and downs over the years, the Internet search
engine company, Google Inc., has suffered few setbacks since it
went into business in the late 1990s. (TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EXAMPLE
2) Google has succeeded by studying the failures of other companies
in order to help it innovate its technology and business model.
Google identified and solved the problem of assessing the quality
of search results by using the number of links pointing to a page
as an indicator of the number of people who find the page valuable.
Suddenly, Google’s search results became far more accurate and reliable
than those from other companies, and now Google’s dominance in the
field of Internet search is almost absolute. (THREE DEVELOPMENT
SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 2)
The example of Rod Johnson’s success as
an entrepreneur in the recruiting field also shows how effective
learning from mistakes and failure can be. (TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EXAMPLE 3)
Rather than accept his failure after being laid off, Johnson decided
to study it. After a month of research, Johnson realized that his
failure to find a new job resulted primarily from the inefficiency
of the local job placement agencies, not from his own deficiencies.
A month later, Johnson created Johnson Staffing to correct this
weakness in the job placement sector. Today Johnson Staffing is
the largest job placement agency in South Carolina, and is in the
process of expanding into a national corporation. (FOUR DEVELOPMENT
SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 3)
Failure is often seen as embarrassing,
something to be denied and hidden. But as the examples of the U.S.
Constitution , Google, and Rod Johnson prove, if an individual, organization,
or even a nation is strong enough to face and study its failure,
then that failure can become a powerful teacher. (THESIS STATEMENT
REPHRASED IN BROADER WAY THAT PUSHES IT FURTHER) The examples of
history and business demonstrate that failure can be the best catalyst
of success, but only if people have the courage to face it head
on. |
Why This Essay Deserves a 6
First, we need to assess whether this essay contains the
four essential ingredients of a great SAT essay. Here they are,
just to refresh your memory:
- Positioning: The strength and clarity of the position on the given topic.
- Examples: The relevance and development of the examples used to support your argument.
- Organization: The organization of each paragraph and of the essay overall.
- Command of Language: Sentence construction, grammar, and word choice.
This essay serves up all four SAT essay ingredients. It
takes a very strong and clear stance on the topic in the first sentence
and sticks to it from start to finish. It uses three examples from
a very diverse array of disciplines—from Internet technology to history
and politics to a profile of an entrepreneur—and it never veers
from using these examples to support the thesis statement’s position.
The organization of the essay follows our Universal SAT Essay Template
perfectly, both at the paragraph level (topic sentences and development
sentences) and at the overall essay level (intro, three meaty example
paragraphs, a strong conclusion). The command of language remains
solid throughout. The writer does not take risks with unfamiliar vocabulary
but instead chooses a few out of the ordinary words like beacon, deficiencies,
and innovate that sprinkle just the right amount
of special sauce throughout the essay. Sentence structure varies
often, making the entire essay more interesting and engaging to
the grader. Finally, no significant grammar errors disrupt the overall excellence
of this SAT essay.
Here’s a quick-reference chart that takes a closer look
at this 6 essay based on the actual SAT’s evaluation criteria for
graders and based on our Universal SAT Essay Template.
| SAT CRITERIA FOR 6 ESSAYS | YES OR NO? |
|---|---|
| Consistently excellent, with at most a few minor errors. | YES |
| Takes a clear position on the topic and uses insightful relevant examples to back it up. | YES |
| Shows strong overall organization and paragraph development. | YES |
| Demonstrates a superior command of language, as shown by varied sentence structure and word choice. | YES |
| OUR UNIVERSAL SAT ESSAY TEMPLATE CRITERIA | YES OR NO? |
| Thesis statement in first sentence of paragraph 1. | YES |
| Three examples listed in paragraph 1 in order from best to worst. | YES |
| Topic sentence for example in paragraph 2. | YES |
| 3–4 development sentences to support paragraph 2’s example. | YES |
| Topic sentence for example in paragraph 3. | YES |
| 3–4 development sentences to support paragraph 3’s example. | YES |
| Topic sentence for example in paragraph 4. | YES |
| 3–4 development sentences to support paragraph 4’s example. | YES |
| Conclusion paragraph contains rephrased thesis statement. | YES |
| About 15 sentences total. | YES |
A 4 Essay
Failure can sometimes lead to success.
(THESIS STATEMENT) Many Internet commerce businesses have learned
from the terrible failures of the dot-com boom and bust, and today
are in much stronger more successful positions than they were just
a few years ago. (SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [1]). Another example proving
that failure sometimes leads to success is that of Arnold “Arnie”
Wagner, a heavy metal drummer who learned to play the drums in a
better different style after a crippling car accident almost killed
him and his band. (SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [2])
Not all Internet businesses vanished when
the dot-com boom went bust—some picked up the pieces, learned from
their mistakes, and moved on.The Internet boom was good to online shoppers
but not so great to online businesses. Shoppers reaped the benefits
of all kinds of great deals and online promotions, while e-commerce
businesses did themselves in. Some Internet companies realized the
mistakes others were making, such as offering too deep discounts
and not charging for shipping, and they now have benefited by not
suffering the same pitfalls. Only the failure of other business
made this happen. (FOUR DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE
1)
Arnold “Arnie” Wagner is one of the best
drummers alive today. (NO TOPIC SENTENCE TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 2) He’s
sure lucky to be alive! Arnie lost his right arm in a car crash just
as his band Darkness Falls was beginning to establish success. Rather
than give up and fail with his one arm, Wagner took the problem
on courageously and decides to view it as an opportunity to change
his drumming style. He has a special drum kit designed for him, complete
with electronic pedals controlled by foot, which leads him to a
new style and his band to even greater heights of success. (FIVE
DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 2)
Failure doesn’t have to end there. Often
people and businesses use other’s failures or even their own to
learn from mistakes and try not to repeat them. Proof? Today Arnie
Wagner is still on top of the drumming world, and many online businesses
continue to thrive. (THESIS STATEMENT TOUCHED ON, BUT NOT REPHRASED
IN BROADER WAY THAT PUSHES IT FURTHER) The examples of history and
business demonstrate that failure can be the best catalyst of success,
but only if people have the courage to face it head on. |
Why This Essay Deserves a 4
This essay does an adequate job serving up all four SAT
essay ingredients. It’s competent overall but not exceptional. That’s
the key difference between 4 essays and 6 essays. The 4s are like
average students: They do the work the night before, turn it in,
and get back a passing grade that keeps their parents off their
back. The 6s are above excellent students: They do their homework
days in advance, turn it in early, and impress teachers with the
superior quality of their work.
More specifically, this 4 essay takes a stance on the
topic in the first sentence and sticks to it, but the stance is
not resoundingly clear from the start: “Failure can sometimes lead
to success.” The thesis statement is vague and makes the essay’s
positioning wishy-washy, which makes it weaker overall than the
6 essay’s unwavering stance. It does use examples to support its
position, but its examples are not as sophisticated or as varied
as the examples in the 6 essay. They’re also not linked together
with transitions and occasionally veer slightly off topic. The organization
of the essay follows our Universal SAT Essay Template closely, but
not perfectly. For starters, it contains only two examples. Though
not disastrous, including only two examples limits the breadth of
your support. It also makes the strength and quality of your examples
all the more crucial, since having only two will make the grader
scrutinize them more closely than if your support were spread over
three examples.
At the sentence level, this essay does include a thesis
statement and a topic sentence in the first example paragraph, but
the structure begins to derail at the beginning of the second example
paragraph. The writer introduces the drummer Arnie Wagner, but not
in a way that is directly related to proving the thesis statement.
The paragraph meanders toward a topic sentence, but never regains
a sure footing. The conclusion refers back to the thesis statement
in broad terms (“Failure doesn’t have to end there”), but it does
not tie the essay together as well as the broadening conclusion
found in the 6 essay. The command of language remains acceptable
throughout. Compared to the 6 essay, this 4 essay contains significantly
more spelling and grammar errors, most notably the jarring tense
shift in paragraph 3. The entire passage is written in the past
tense, but suddenly shifts into the present tense with the sentence that
begins, “He has a special drum kit. . . .” This essay also features
repetitive sentence structure that makes it a much duller read than
the 6. The 4 contains no special sauce whatsoever, another contributing
factor to its average quality overall.
Here’s a closer look at this 4 essay based on the SAT’s
evaluation criteria for graders and based on our Universal SAT Essay
Template. Pay special attention to the difference in criteria for
4 essays and 6 essays, and to the deficiencies in the 4 essay as compared
to the 6 (the NOs in the YES/NO column). The 4 essay’s NOs pinpoint
its weaknesses, which we just discussed.
| SAT CRITERIA FOR 4 ESSAYS | YES OR NO? |
|---|---|
| Consistently solid, with at least several minor errors and a few more serious weaknesses or mistakes. | YES |
| Addresses the topic presented adequately. | YES |
| Uses examples to support a position on the topic. | YES |
| Shows acceptable organization and development throughout. | YES |
| Competent but not consistent command of language, with several errors in grammar and usage and only slight sentence variation. | YES |
| OUR UNIVERSAL SAT ESSAY TEMPLATE CRITERIA | YES OR NO? |
| Thesis statement in first sentence of paragraph 1. | YES |
| Three examples listed in paragraph 1 in order from best to worst. | NO |
| Topic sentence for example in paragraph 2. | YES |
| 3–4 development sentences to support paragraph 2’s example. | YES |
| Topic sentence for example in paragraph 3. | NO |
| 3–4 development sentences to support paragraph 3’s example. | NO |
| Topic sentence for example in paragraph 4. | NO |
| 3–4 development sentences to support paragraph 4’s example. | NO |
| Conclusion paragraph contains rephrased thesis statement. | YES |
| About 15 sentences total. | YES |
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