Final exams bring out the worst and best and weirdest in us all. Whether you attend high school, college, or Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, grasping desperately for all the information you should have learned in every class throughout the semester is bound to give you a little bit of brain blergh. So while you’re desperately wishing for a transformative study montage, don’t be alarmed if any of these thoughts occur to me. Just like puberty, it’s perfectly normal.
1. Look at all the people who are coming to class now! It’s like they heard there was a Black Friday sale on knowledge.
2. Since when is it “against dress code” to wear a sleeping bag? My shoulders are covered. What more do you want?
3. Turning five pages a minute counts as exercise, right? My wrists are gonna be stacked.
4. My holiday wishlist just says “sleep.”
5. My holiday to-do list says everything but “sleep.”
6. Does it count as “weekly meal prep” if I loosen the lids on seven jars of peanut butter?
7. Maybe if I go to bed now but set an alarm for really early tomorrow morning, I will wake up and make the final edits on this paper before class.
8. Maybe if I got to bed now but set an alarm for really early tomorrow morning, I will turn into a pelican. It’s just as possible as 7.
9. What if I stirred instant coffee into my normal coffee?
10. You say “open-note test” like I should be happy, but my notebook is 90% doodles.
11. Can I dip Oreos in peanut butter? I’m not asking if I should, I’m asking if anyone will stop me.
12. I can tell it’s cold season because every time I take a test, all I can hear is the chorus of sniffles.
13. I should have started this earlier.
14. I keep trying to forget about schoolwork by distracting myself with social media, but all these Snapchats are coming from inside the library.
15. There was a textbook for this class?
16. Is Throat Coat tea caffeinated?
17. What can I add to Throat Coat tea to make it caffeinated?
18. Break is going to feel so amazing after this.
Are you freaking out, or cool as a cucumber (the most studious vegetable)?