SparkNotes Blog

Blowing Up the Holidays

The turkey has been eaten, the parade has ended, and the Thanksgiving tree has been taken down and put away in storage until next year. Now, it’s on to Christmas.

Over the past five years, one of the most popular forms of holiday decorations has been the inflatable lawn statue. (We’re not sure if these things are technically called inflatable lawn statues, but we like that name.)

These puffy, air-filled creations typically feature Santa waving, or a snowman smiling. But lately the inflatables have become odder and odder, either because the inflatable company ran out of ideas, or because the creative team has no editorial oversight and are allowed to do whatever they want. Whatever the reason, we dig these strange lawn ornaments. Here are some of our favorites.

Santa Claus Getting a Speeding Ticket

While we think this cop is an ass, we love the idea of decorating your lawn with a series of balloons that feature Santa breaking the law. It starts with the speeding ticket and ends with public nudity…or murder.

Eight-Foot Cowboy Santa
The idea is fun and whimsical. So why does Santa look concerned? His heart is just not in it. The poor guy obviously doesn’t want to be a cowboy, but was forced into it by the mean, bossy inflatable statue company. They could have at least given him a real gun. Who is he going to kill with a candy cane? A diabetic bandit?

Hunting Snowmen
First of all, how is Todd going to pull the trigger without elbows? He can only shoot what is directly to the left or right of his body. Second, why is Todd wearing camouflage? He doesn’t need camo. He’s made out of the environment! And lastly, why is the rifle aimed so close to Todd’s head? Don’t do it, Todd! It’s a wonderful life! (We named the snowman Todd, obviously).

Tractor Santa
Santa Claus already has a job. He’s Santa Claus. That’s his vocation. There is no song, poem, or holiday TV special that depicts Santa as a farmer. And yet, here he is, working the field. Maybe he just loves the outdoors. Or maybe the struggling economy has forced St. Nick to take any job he can get. Perhaps it’s only a matter of time before we see Bus Boy Santa or Santa Who Desperately Plays the Lottery.

Animated Santa Christmas Village
The people who made this piece of crap are complete morons. Penguins do NOT live at the North Pole. It’s a scientific fact, and yet here’s a penguin working in the candy shop of the balloon. This decoration is lying to you, and mocking your intelligence. Granted, the penguin may commute to work every day, but we highly doubt it. Hey, idiots who designed this: why didn’t you throw in a camel working at the cookie shop, a Burmese Python working at the wrapping factory, or a kangaroo working in the hot cocoa hut? Idiots.

Christmas Kangaroo
Who would want presents delivered by a kangaroo? They can’t carry much. The most a kangaroo can fit in its pouch is three DVDs, an orange, most of a football, and a cramped, angry baby kangaroo. You don’t want to know how we figured this out.

Mr. Penguin Snow Cone Stand
How cute, right? While we applaud Mr. Penguin’s entrepreneurial spirit, we find it shocking that the snowman would be so eager to eat his own flesh. And Mr. Penguin, stop calling yourself Mr. Penguin. It makes you seem stuffy and snobbish.

Animated Grim Reaper on Horse
No, this isn’t a Christmas-themed inflatable. But how cool is this!? And it’s animated! The Reaper’s head moves from side to side! Can we please have this? Pleeease! We promise to use it every day!

What’s the best holiday decoration you’ve seen so far?

Related post: Is It Too Early for the Holidays?