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A Guy’s Guide To Girls

Editing this post by MaxVZ made us snort LOL and smile for 20 minutes. —Sparkitors

In my short time on SparkNotes, I’ve noticed that the site’s membership definitely skews toward female. I see a lot of articles and advice columns and whatnot about flirting with this boy and worrying about that boy and so on. So I figured I’d represent the guy contingent here. And hey, maybe the girls can read this and get insights. So without further ado, here is my Guy’s Guide To Girls.

Rule #1, the most important rule, is this: Do things they like, and avoid things they don’t like. If you follow that rule, everything will always go fine. Now, the problem is that they all like different things.

Example: Some girls like “That’s what she said” jokes, while some do not. Some girls like Kurt Vonnegut, while some do not. I have not found anything yet that all girls like. If you do, tell me.

Rule #2: Smile. I’m pretty sure most girls like smiling. The problem is, some don’t, and they’ll think you’re weird if you smile all the time. Try to figure out which ones will think you’re weird. If you can’t, it’s cool, don’t worry about it.

Rule #3: Try not to stare at their boobs. They hate that. Also, don’t mention your balls. Or porn. Pretty much anything sex-related is out. Even if she seems really cool, she will still be sickened by you.

Rule #4: Remember that they don’t care about the things you think they care about. Well, they might. Some of them might. But a lot of them won’t. They’re all pretty different. Like, most of them care about their hair, but some don’t. And some of them who say they don’t actually do. So I guess the real moral is to avoid the subject of their hair entirely. Unless you’re saying,“I like the way your hair looks.”

Rule #5: Try and not lie. They can usually tell.

Rule #6: Use clues to find out what she likes. Sometimes, it’s easy to tell what girls like. For example, if a girl is wearing a Metro Station shirt, she likes Metro Station. Now, the problem is that Metro Station sucks. Try and find a girl who is not wearing a Metro Station shirt.

Rule #7: Tell jokes. A lot of girls like jokes, but they don’t all like the same kinds of jokes. Some like dirty jokes, and some don’t. And some don’t like dirty jokes, but pretend they do. Now, if you tell a clean joke, it might not be funny, but a dirty joke might gross them out. So actually, I’d avoid the whole joke thing entirely. Just forget jokes.

Rule #8: Compliment them. Even if you suck at giving compliments, girls will still like them. In fact, you can lie when complimenting, and they will usually not notice. Sometimes they will, though. Watch out for that. But, like, if her makeup looks messed up and you say, “I like your makeup,” she won’t even know it was insincere. Most of the time. Sometimes girls will. But even then, they’ll be cool with it, because they know you were trying. Most of the time.

Rule #9: Look for smart ones. Prettiness can change, but not intelligence. But if they’re too smart, they’ll outsmart you. But sometimes, even if they’re not that smart, they’ll outsmart you anyway because you’re busy trying to not stare at their boobs. So look for smart ones. They’re also much more fun.

Rule #10: Don’t ask about periods. Now, girls have all kinds of stuff going on with their periods and that sort of thing. Just don’t ask questions. I don’t even really know what periods are, in detail. I don’t want to know. You probably don’t want to know either. If you do, that’s cool. But don’t ask them. Look it up on the internet or something.

Rule #11: Figure out their “types.” Girls have types. Try and be their type. If you can’t, it’s cool. Just remember rule #1, Do things they like, and avoid things they don’t like.

Girls are cool. Not only are they usually smarter than us, but also pretty awesome. Remember that, and you’ll be fine. Most of the time.

Did MaxVZ get it right?

Related Post: The Answer Guide for Guys

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