SparkNotes Blog

Are You A SparkLife Lurker?

LadyM finally sheds her lurker status—are you brave enough to do the same? —Sparkitors

As I was walking to school this morning, I was hit on the head by a falling acorn, and it dislodged a thought: I realized I’m a SparkLife Lurker. “A what?” you ask. “I’ve never heard of such a thing!” That, my friends, is exactly the point. A trusted source (read: the dictionary) says that a lurker is somebody who “lies or waits in concealment, as a person in ambush; remains in or around a place secretly or furtively.” Thus, a SparkLife Lurker (Splurker? Splarker?) is somebody who enjoys all that SparkLife has to offer but remains unknown to the legions of active Sparklers. Lurkers are to SparkLife what Edward is to Bella: they stalk around, peering into metaphorical windows with adoration, but never making their presence known.

I know that I can’t be the only lurker out there, so I’ve decided to come out of the SparkLife Closet, and drag as many others with me as possible. The following are symptoms of a chronic Lurker; if one or more apply to you, it’s time to speak out and say, “I’m a Sparkler, and I’m proud of it!”

You might be a lurker if…

1. You live by the bible of Auntie SparkNotes. You’re passing English because of Miss Marm’s knowledge of all things grammar. Everything you know about sarcasm you learned from Dan Bergstein. And yet somehow, you’ve never conveyed your gratitude on the comment boards.

2. You “BAM” things in your day-to-day life. For example, when you beat your sister to the bathroom in the morning, you slam the door in her face and scream “BAM!” However, you’ve never bammed a SparkLife post.

3. One day, on a whim, you created a SparkLife account with an awesome name to show off your high intellect and literary tastes. But when it came time to prove your wit and win a Friaward, you found yourself rendered speechless by the brilliance of the Sparklers commenting around you.

4. Another day, on another whim, you tried to log back on to your account and found that you’d forgotten the password.

5. You’ve longed to vote for your favorite entry in a Fiction contest, but were afraid that your unprecedented participation would make SparkLife explode.

6. You mustered the courage to ask Miss Marm a question and nearly died of heart palpitations when you saw YOUR WORDS! IN A SPARKLIFE POST!

7. You smile to yourself when you hear classmates use words like “awesomesauce” and “grossicles” but you don’t out yourself by starting a conversation about the value of taking showers (let the record show that I am very much pro-showering.)

8. You engage in a “sparkworthy” activity and think about what a great Sparticle it would make, but are too afraid to start a draft because the SparkLife Gods might reject you.

9. You channel the resulting sparkual frustration into French projects titled “Une Journée dans la Vie dans une Ferme,” “Mon Amour est un personnage de Harry Potter,” and “Ce que c’est que de Voyager en Australie.”

10. You’re laughing right now because all of this applies to you, and…

11. You know that you’re not going to comment on this post.

SHOW YOURSELVES, SECRET SPARKLERS! We want to hear your voices—or at least read your comments.

Related post: How To Recognize A Sparkler On The Street