We love weddings. Eating cake, watching dads attempt to dance, feeling the love in the air—it’s all about celebrating the perfect marriage…between us and cake. But you know what has to happen before the wedding can occur? Make-out sessions. Without making out, there would be no weddings. And without weddings, there would be one less kind of cake. With that in mind, we’re doing our part to facilitate kissing parties, with this list of 6 kinds of movies guaranteed to help you score your very own make-out session:
6. Disney movies
Recommended: The Little Mermaid, Aladdin
When a singing Jamaican crab attempts to give you romantic advice, you TAKE IT. And Aladdin‘s “A Whole New World” is the most romantic song about high speed, precarious, unsafe magic carpet rides that you’ll ever hear. (Maybe spend one of those wishes on a magic carpet seat belt,Aladdin.)
Not recommended:The Lion King.
A movie about murderous lions? Hakuna No-Kissa. Watching The Lion King on a date will ensure that you will certainly not be feeling the love tonight.
5. Horror movies
Recommended: Jaws, The Shining, Scream
When choosing a horror movie, you’re looking for more “AHHH” and less “EWWW.” In fact, that’s pretty solid advice for making out, too. I suggest a suspenseful movie or a classic horror film with a killer soundtrack, likeHalloween or Friday the 13th. When most people think of romantic mood music, they think of smooth R&B, or whatever the exact musical opposite of “Cotton-Eyed Joe” is, but a combination of fear and a well-scored horror movie will bring you two closer together…on the couch.
4. Black and White movies
Recommended: It’s a Wonderful Life, Casablanca
Black and white movies possess a certain kind of charm that evokes the feel of a simpler, more romantic time. Also, they’re long. Very long. People in the 1940s had an abundance of free time. They didn’t have Facebook, most people didn’t even have email, and there wasn’t nearly as much quality programming on HBO. It was just documentaries about the Great Depression and the first season of Sex and the City.
Also, let’s face facts. If someone invites you over to watch a black-and-white movie, everyone involved understands the implicit underlining message: You’ve been invited to a kiss party. Population YOU. BYO mints.
3. Pretty people rom-coms
Recommended:He’s Just Not That Into You, The Proposal, anything with Justin Timberlake, Bradley Cooper, or Ryan Reynolds
Ideally you want to choose a rom-com that evokes emotion, but not too much emotion. It’s like your promiscuous cousin Ian always says: “It’s tough to mack when the tears are back.” People are more prone to make out when faced with a visually pleasing image. That’s why you always see people kissing near sunsets and Ryan Gosling.
2.The Sunday afternoon all-star movieyou’ve seen 20 times
Recommended:Hitch, Van Wilder, Role Models
The “Sunday afternoon all-star movie” is a film that’s good but not great, that possesses an innate, non-threatening level of rewatchability. You’ve seen it so many times you can just shut off your brain and enjoy. You probably never think to yourself, “Man I really wish Hitch was on,” but every single time Will Smith says, “Love is my life,” and Kevin James fires back, “No, love is your JOB!” you can’t help but say, “Looks like Hitch just got put on BURN NOTICE. I love this movie!” The probability of making out substantially increases if your date has already seen the movie. If you pick a flick that’s too engaging, you’ll both be too busy watching to make out.
1. Really long boring movies
Recommended: Transformers 2,Meet Joe Black, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Longer movies give you two important things: lots of time and lots of opportunity. We challenge any person who has seen the movie Meet Joe Black to describe what it’s about—all they’ll be able to come up with is “a group of people with a shared look of defeated melancholy in their eyes staring at each other.”You see, sometimes a person will make out with you because of a legitimate attraction; other times they’ll make out with you because they’re bored. Just don’t over think it, because hey, you’re making out!