Do you remember your first literary crush? The first not-real book person who made you think “I FINALLY GET WHAT EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT, THE WORLD IS JUST BURSTING WITH POSSIBILITY AND LOVE IS REAL”? The one who made you feel like you would DIE if they didn’t burst into existence and make out with you posthaste?
Surely some literary Lothario popped into your head just now. Perhaps this person was in fact Lothario, the unscrupulous womanizer from Cervantes’ Don Quixote. Or maybe your first literary crush was one of the following characters, in which case here’s what that says about you personally:
You consider tallness a personality trait, and so must ask yourself daily, “Is this person kindly, stalwart, and reliable, or is he just tall?”
Your love language is “morally dubious guy doing the right thing for once.”
You have multiple life hacks you swear by.
There was a time when you would have traded your sibling(s) for one (1) Swiss Cake Roll.
The only reason you’ve resisted getting a Kindle is because you want to be reading a book at a coffee shop one day when someone hot comes over and flirtatiously asks if it’s any good.
You put on make-up to go to the gym.
Your targeted ads are all just books you want to read but can’t afford, alongside Warby Parker glasses you’re never actually going to buy.
You always say you’re “not here for the drama” when you are, in fact, here for the drama.
You always wind up spending three hours reading old journals from middle school whenever you attempt to clean out your closet.
You went through a phase where you said “yolo” unironically, a phase which eventually gave way to saying it ironically, but you don’t know when the change happened or why.
You collected stickers as a child but never used any of them because you didn’t want to waste them.
You were the person who would put sad song lyrics as your Facebook status whenever you were waiting out a crush’s relationship with someone who was not you.
You think it’s kind of sexy when someone can pull off looking vaguely like they haven’t bathed in three months.
You firmly believe you should have a biopic by now, and it’s a shame that you don’t.
You spent years waiting for your OTP to become canon only for them to almost die in a cliffhanger, and it did something to you.
You are always the person who looks terrible in Facebook photos when everyone else looks amazing, and because of this you believe you know what it means to truly suffer.
You occasionally try to move things with your mind just in case your long-dormant superpowers have been activated.
When you don’t get a text back, you check every single one of their social feeds to see what they could possibly be doing that’s so much more important than responding “lol” to your half-hearted meme.
You are maintaining a snap streak that is currently in the hundreds.
You know exactly which book you’d recommend to someone you want to date.
You have created an elaborate fantasy world that you think about every night when you’re trying to fall asleep.
You’ve always liked the idea of falling in love with your childhood rival-turned-friend, which is why it’s so unfortunate that you didn’t actually have a childhood rival-turned-friend.
You currently have too many taps open. You have no plans to change this.