Happy Birthday to…today! It’s today’s birthday! And if that wasn’t reason enough to smile and laugh on this wonderful day, here are 25 more!
1. It’s Bram Stoker’s birthday! The Google homepage pays homage to the man who changed horror literature forever. Celebrate by forgetting that Twilight exists.
2. Tonight, PBS is airing a show called Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence. Cancel all plans.
3. People are negative sometimes. Don’t feel bad. They will tell you if your shoe is untied, but rarely, if ever, congratulate you if your shoes are tied. And so let me say: Your shoes are tied. Great job!
4. Thanks to new technology, bulletproof armor could soon be only a few nanometers thick! Bulletproof napkins and bulletproof kites will finally be a reality!
6. You can’t go to jail for putting celery in tuna salad. But you should. Enjoy your freedom for now, celery fans. Enjoy your freedom for now…
7. Skyfall looks amazing! Let’s all go see it together as a group. We’ll split one big tub of popcorn, so it’ll be cheaper. But no dirty hands! Wash your hands! And no finger licking! And you can’t share my soda so don’t even ask. And I get the armrest on my right. And you have to explain the plot to me in whispers because sometimes spy movies confuse me. Meet on the SparkNotes roof at 11 tonight. (We’re taking the Spark-Blimp.)
9. We didn’t get smashed by an asteroid one year ago! Last year on November 8th, an asteroid came within 201,000 miles of Earth, the closest any asteroid of that brightness has ever come to clobbering us. Take a deep breath and be thankful that the Earth ducked out of the way. Thanks, Earth!
10. The East Coast got hit with more bad weather, this time in the form of snow. But a fancy, high-tech sled would make snow days more fun.
11. Speaking of bad weather, get this little hand-cranked turbine to keep your phones juiced during blackouts. As an added bonus, it looks like a robotic fishing reel…that you can use to catch robot fish…on a robot lake…in Robot-vania.
12.This is a fun sign, but someone should make one about evil fictional places, including: Mordor, the Death Star, Azkaban, Edward and Bella’s cottage, and the hotel from The Shining.
13. If you’re reading this on your phone, that means I just hacked into your phone and read all your text messages. The good news: I’m not here to judge and your secrets are safe with me. (giggle)
14. There’s a convenience store along the East Coast called Wawa and during November they serve a Gobbler sandwich made of hot turkey, gravy, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. This is why you should move east. (Bring bibs!)
15. On November 8th, 1889, Montana became the 41st state. Happy birthday, Montana! You guys should get a Wawa.
16. It’s also Gordon Ramsay’s birthday. To celebrate, he’s probably yelling at someone who has untied shoes.
17. If you still have your Jack-O-Lantern outside, it probably looks more frightening than ever.
20. Jump in a pile of leaves! Unless they’re sleeping, because then it’s just mean.
21. Snakes can’t fly!
22. If you’re participating in National Novel Writing Month, but have writer’s block, use these helpful tricks to get back to writing:
-Kill a character.
-Have one character yell, “Who wants to see my new pants!”
-Throw in a character named Julius, and Julius can see through walls and has many ropes.
-Add a scene set at an amusement park or inside a dolphin’s mind.
23. It’s so close to being Friday that you can almost taste it…and it tastes like pancake dinner!
24. Nothing horrible happened to your knees today. Hopefully.
25. Your shoes are still tied? Wow! You’re wonderful!