We tried to be nice. We tried to make an honest effort as “responsible adults” and educate you on the dangers of drug abuse, but you think it’s all a big game, don’t ya? Well guess what, wise guy—we’re bringing out the heavy artillery with these five PSAs guaranteed to scare you so straight, you’ll make a Mormon missionary look like a street thug! (Remember: We do this because we care.)
1)Scary Monkey Anti-Heroin PSA
National records from the 1970s show a downturn in children’s willingness to experiment with drugs, this coinciding with a sharp uptick in juvenile cases of monkey-related phobias.
2) Ssssnake Man Anti-Drug PSA
All we’re saying is: If your dealer is turning into a snake man right in front of you, then you’re dealing with some serious problems already.
3) Creepy Canadian Puppets Anti-Drug PSA
A flawless execution of a two-pronged anti-drug strategy: Bombard kids at home with a montage of Hendrix and Elvis pics (their subversive music is the DEVIL’S work!), then finish with a puppet suffering from severe pinkeye. Pat yourself on the back, Canada!
4)Flat Out Weird Anti-Marijuana PSA
“This is the way it’s been since she started smoking pot… and the steamroller incident. I honestly can’t remember which since it all happened so fast, but, yeah, here we are.”
5)Face the Facts Anti-Drug PSA
So was anyone else’s immediate thought, “portrait gallery from the Haunted Mansion”? Just us, then?