Earlier in the week, the on-again-off-again Jurassic Park 4 was officially re-titled by Universal Pictures; Jurassic World, and with little explanation. Certain buzz is leading some to speculate this will be a reboot/remake style film. But I hope much odder things are a foot. Here are five directions I doubt the screenplay for Jurassic World will take, but totally should.
An Alien World Full of Dinosaurs Evolved From the Original Jurassic Park
This one will have very little in the way of an audience surrogate. Featuring weird, talking lizard people having epic lizard battles in the far reaches of space, this will be the inevitable mash-up between Battlefield Earth and Starship Troopers (Films not novels). Though this movie won’t acknowledge any of the events from our planet, we would KNOW for a fact that all these talking lizards were all evolved from the Jurassic Park dinos. Also, Wayne Knight will do one of the voices.
Future World Sentient Dinosaur Rom-Com
Similar to the above, this Jurassic World will be more in the style of the classic (not available on DVD!) film Theodore Rex meets a multi-character arc movie like Valentine’s Day. Dinosaur hearts will be broken and friends will rest their claws on their friends shoulders when everything goes wrong. Don’t worry, all the right dinos will end up with each other in the end. Truthfully, this one should be called Jurassic World, Actually.
A Planet Beset With Dinosaur Ghosts Who Haunt Intelligent Robots
We all know the coming singularity is the most interesting thing a Hollywood movie could tackle, so what if instead of dinosaurs coming after humans, they instead relentlessly stalk intelligent super-evolved robots? Like the Cylons from the contemporary Battlestar Galactica, these robots will be really attractive and also very confusing. But the big twist is the dinosaurs are just the ghosts of dinosaurs. Hopefully M. Night Shyamalan doesn’t sue.
A Musical Version of the Original Jurassic Park
Let’s get serious. A community college somewhere has already done this. There are few different ways to think about this. First, it could be Mama Mia!-style, only with all Dinosaur Jr. songs. But, then this would mean you’d lose the awesome and iconic John Williams music. Solution? Put words to the famous Jurassic Park theme. If Elton John is unavailable, then certainly, by all means, crowdsource the lyrics on Facebook.
A Bizarro World Re-make of Jurassic Park Where Dinosaurs Have Cloned Extinct People
All the dinosaurs can’t wait to clone and bring back to life the long-extinct and beloved species of creatures known as homosapiens! They even have awesome gift-shops all set to market human-being lunchboxes and t-shirts! But 75 million years have separated dinosaurs from humans, and now that humans are back in the mix, who can predict what is going to happen? Humans, as it turns out, are crafty, clever things. But where did they all go? Is it true humans evolved into cats? Will the dinos make it out alive? As one of the dinos is found of saying: “hold onto your tails!”
How about you Jurassic People? What are your pitches for Jurassic World?