Tarantula farms, crabmeat salad factories, and historically significant cemeteries all fall into the “bad locations for dates” category. Fortunately, there’s still one place for you and your dream girl to seek refuge: the movie theater! But making a cinema love connection can be tricky, and we all know you ain’t exactly the Master of Suave. Read on to uncover the secrets of a super-successful movie date—and please, for the love of god, cancel your reservations at the Serial Killer Clown Museum.
1.Never go to the movies on a first date.First dates are where the groundwork is laid: you laugh, you cry (do NOT cry), you fall in love. This involves a lot of talking—or the use of hand puppets, if you’re shy—and sparkling conversation doesn’t exactly mix well with a silent, darkened theater. So save the movie for the second or third date, and use the first date to get to know your girl.
2.Pick the right theater. Don’t choose the discount theater that shows movies from 1998, which is also the last year it was cleaned.It’s cool for you and your friends to go there so you can throw popcorn at strangers and wolf-whistle whenever Will Ferrell graces the screen, but it’s not a great place to bring your date, because it’s filled with idiots like, well, you and your friends.
3.You might have to pick a movie, so pay attention when she’s talking. It’s really easy for the mind to drift during endless conversations about her friends and her hobbies and her summer on Uncle Hugo’s radish farm, but stay focused. If you actually listen, you’ll be able to avoid outbursts like, “Why would I want to see Iron Man 2, you heartless jerk?! Didn’t you hear anything I said about Scarlett Johansson swindling my uncle out of his radish farm?!?”
4.Take the hit. If she likes Gerard Butler, you like Gerard Butler. It doesn’t matter if you think his face resembles a potato with stubble: the goal is to prove that you’re not like every inconsiderate tool she’s dated, so suck it up and humor her preferences. Who knows, you may even enjoy Mr. Butler’s tragic slide into rom-com territory—and if you don’t, take comfort: by the time you go to the movies again, your date will have moved onto another heartthrob, and Mr. Butler will be ancient, slightly traumatic history.
5. Be a gentleman. Refuse to pay for her ticket (“What’s the big deal? It’s a matinee.”) or grope her like an airport security guard checking for firearms, and you’re destined to land on your school’s Do Not Date list. And there’s only one way to get off that list: reconstructive plastic surgery. So be polite, smile a lot, and offer to buy her a $12 hot dog; believe us, the surgery isn’t as awesome as it sounds.