Happy March, Sparklefrosh! You know what March means—Pi Day, the Ides of March, If Pets Had Thumbs Day (really). But best of all (for most of us, anyway), it means SPRING BREAK. I don’t think you heard me. Did you hear me? SPRING FREAKING BREAK. GET EXCITED, PEOPLE. MAKE SOME SORT OF HOOPLAH BECAUSE IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING.
When it comes to spring break, there are two types of people: the people who go places, and the people who don’t. Either you catch a plane to the Bahamas, or you spend the week in a couch potato stupor so ridiculously intense that a crowbar is required to remove your immobile, pajama-clad body by the end of it. There is no in-between. But there are pros and cons to each, so let’s break this down.
PROS of actually going somewhere: Beaches, drinks with umbrellas, relaxing, tanning, eating amazing food that you can’t even pronounce, amassing souvenirs, posting glamorous pictures on Facebook of yourself by a palm tree or with a dolphin so that you may sow resentment and jealousy in those fools you left behind. (Sucks to suck.)
CONS of actually going somewhere: Seagull poop.
PROS of staying home and going nowhere ever: Screwing up your sleep schedule in the best possible way, watching so many episodes of Community that you enter an altered state of consciousness, losing track of what day it is, unapologetically wearing the same sweatpants five days in a row, being on spring break when your little sibling is still in school, eating all the ice cream by the light of the refrigerator at four in the morning because why the hell not?
CONS of staying home and going nowhere ever: Pretending like this isn’t actually the greatest thing ever. It’s not like you wanted to go to the Bahamas. The beaches don’t look that great anyway. The dolphin is probably stupid. And you hear the seagull poop thing is outrageous.
Some people use the term “winter break” instead. This makes sense if you, like me, went home over break to a godless frozen wasteland where the snow is up to your butt. For my so-called spring break, I went to a ski lodge where I did not ski. I also went to an elementary school carnival solely for the big annual Cake Walk. I personally feel that I did all those tiny, sad children a favor. They did not get cake, but they did get life lessons, like “life is cruel” and “you can’t always get what you want, particularly if a 21-year-old girl who doesn’t even go to this school snatches up the best plate of brownies and dances away with it.”
Now, spring break brings out the best in some people and the worst in others. Namely, your professors, of which there are two distinct types:
The professor everyone loves and reveres because they schedule all those high-stress midterms for before break instead of after, enabling you to relax and really become one with your inner slacker.
The professor everyone hates because they give you three books to read, an exam to study for, and a scroll of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics to decode during what was supposed to be a week of stress-free glory. Boooo.
And there’s not a whole lot you can do about the second one. Someone blackened their soul. They are lost to us. Let them go.
Another thing I want to touch upon is that pesky issue of HOUSING. That probably happened last month, and it was probably awful. It’s an all-out battle royale of terror and anxiety and chaos as you try to nab the room you want. At least, that’s the way my school did it. The whole thing was very Hunger Games. Anyway, my point here is that if you didn’t get your dream dorm, DON’T DESPAIR. There’s still time for people to change their plans and switch rooms or have an epic falling out with their would-be roommate. Let the housing people know what you want. Get on a wait list. And then slowly watch as people begin to mysteriously vanish and that wait list trickles down to only you. I think I just found myself advising deceit and coercion again. Whoops.
This is the LAST STOP though, dudes. Spring break is a turning point, because after that you’re in the homestretch. THE HOMESTRETCH. You’re so, so close. I believe in you. Keep your eyes on the prize. (And has anyone noticed that my advice-giving persona ranges wildly from “mob boss” to “overenthusiastic t-ball coach”? I’m like the mentor who’s capable of anything but doles out some really choice cliches at crucial moments. Don’t drop the ball. Give 110%. The best defense is a good offense. Say hello to my little friend and something about cannoli.)
Elodie is the best t-ball coach/mob boss we’ve ever known. Have you already had your freshman year spring break? Did you prance through white sand and take tons of Instagram selfies to make your pals jealous, or did you binge-watch all three seasons of BBC’s Sherlock while hoovering cans of icing? TELL USSSSSSS.
Check out Elodie’s entire college guide series right here!