So I guess I should make this short: I’ve been talking to this guy for like a week now, and recently we kind of hooked up (twice in a weekend, actually), but I never see him at school and he’s a second semester IB Diploma senior with a 4.0 GPA and captain of a sports team, so he’s really, really, really busy. Anyway, things were going good but then he told me that he didn’t have time for a serious relationship and that if we had met at the beginning of the year, everything would have been different. So I guess I’m kind of confused… should I wait around for him until IB exams are finished (in May) or am I allowed to move on to other guys? On the other hand, it gets really frustrating because REALLY, YOU’RE SO BUSY YOU CAN’T PICK UP YOUR PHONE AND TEXT THREE LETTERS LIKE H-E-Y? Please help me! I don’t think there are any songs about a girl who got dumped for homework (I checked all of Taylor Swift’s).
Yeeeeah. Bizarre as it might seem, Sparkler, I’m afraid you can’t let the fact that you got dumped for homework distract you from the far more important fact that… y’know, you got dumped.
Which, of course, is very sad and not fun at all. I’m sorry!
Because while I don’t doubt this guy is stretched just as thin as he says, busy people who want to be in serious relationships tend to find a way to make time for them, busy-ness be damned. Even the most crammed life has a way of expanding to make room for a romantic connection that both parties really, really want. Which is to say, yes, this guy really is so busy that he can’t pick up the phone and text you! Not because he literally can’t, but because it’s not a priority to him.
And hey, that’s okay—he’s allowed to assign importance to the various elements of his life however he likes, as is everyone else. It’s just that his choice of phrasing (i.e. “I’m too busy to be in a relationship! If only we’d met sooner!”) obfuscates the truth in a way that a more straightforward explanation doesn’t (i.e. “I care about you, but there are fifty other things in my life right now that I care about more, so… toodles!”).
So, do stop reading between the lines and just hear what he’s telling you. Things might’ve been different if you’d met him earlier… but you didn’t. So they’re not. This is what it is: a textbook dumping of the “it’s not you, it’s me” variety. And while hey, it’s possible you might pick up where you left off once the year is over, it would be unwise to expect anything—and super extra-strength dumb for you to wait around for him. (Not to mention, booooring.) You don’t need to do that. If he’s interested, he’ll come looking for you. And in the meantime, you should feel welcome—nay, encouraged!—to set your romantic sights elsewhere.
Because Elsewhere, as we all know, is full of available hotties who will happily prioritize you above homework any day of the week.
Ever been dumped for homework? Come be indignant in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.