Exciting things are happening for Benedict Cumberbatch. His cheekbones are becoming stronger by the day, The Imitation Game is being hailed as “OUTSTANDING” by critics (and as “TERRIBLE, IT RUINED MY LIFE, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GO SEE IT” by us), and now he’s expecting a baby with fiancée Sophie Hunter! There’s going to be a little Benedict running around soon! What would that even look like? We have this theory that Benedict Cumberbatch was never actually a baby; he simply sprang into the world fully formed, with that baritone voice and a jawline so beautiful that it brings men weeping to their knees.
But, okay, this is kind of a big day for us. The promise of the Cumberbaby is like a beautiful, British, multisyllabic jackpot for possible baby names. This could keep us entertained for HOURS, or at least for several glorious minutes. Here’s what we’ve got:
Harrison Cumberbatch (that sounds posh and British, right?)
Severus Snape (this way the baby will be primed early on to play the role of Snape when the HP film series inevitably gets rebooted… Benedict would be our first pick, but he’ll probably be too old by then, SO HIS PROGENY IS ALL WE HAVE)
Cabbage Patch Cumberbatch
Golden Snitch Cumberbatch
Wayne (no last name… it’s like Beyoncé or Madonna)
Penguins Cumberbatch (MAYBE THEN BENEDICT WILL LEARN HOW TO ACTUALLY SAY IT)
He could fully acknowledge the rampant Benedict Cumberbatch name generator craze, and what better way to say he’s in on the joke than to use one of the names for his firstborn? Ideas: Beetlejuice Cumberbund, Benadryl Custardbath, Bendandsnap Charizard. Think about it.
We realize, however, that there’s a very real possibility Benedict might just ignore this list of ideas entirely. (Don’t completely rule out the Severus Snape thing, though, Ben. We like to dreamcast our Harry Potter reboots DECADES in advance.)