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Blogging The Scarlet Letter: Part 5

Chapter 6

The chapter opens with Hester-Biscuit waiting for her young daughter Pearl to become a wild beast.

No, seriously. She thinks that because Pearl is the result of her sin (adultery), the little girl will develop some sort of horrendous personality. So basically, Pearl is doomed to an evil life just because of how she was born.

I was sympathizing with Biscuit for a while because everyone was being so hard on her, but now I don’t like her. She’s doing the same thing to Pearl that the Puritans are doing to her—stereotyping. People, please don’t stereotype. It’s annoying, tasteless, and potentially offensive.

As it is, Pearl (hereafter referred to as Little Miss Perfect, or LuMP for short) is the most beautiful, smart, unrealistically perfect child in the world.

Why are little kids (babies especially) in books ALWAYS perfect? Is it supposed to be some overused symbolism for the beauty of innocence? But, I am glad that LuMP’s time in jail didn’t spoil her good looks. If she’s so dang perdy, then her mysterious dad must look good, too. I wonder if Rev. Dimmesdale (whom I suspect of being the father) is attractive…

Again, Nate makes reference to LuMP’s clothes. She’s got the latest fashions, even better than The Children’s Place or Baby Gap.

A little note: Nate says that Biscuit has a dark plot that will be revealed later. I’m not going to bother getting excited, because the dark plot is probably something lame. Like running away with Pearl’s father without the permission of her mother, her husband, Governor Wilson, and the Man Upstairs himself.

Anyway, Biscuit spoils LuMP because she just can’t bear to punish her. LuMP also knows her place with the “baptized children”; no having fun allowed for her (not that Puritan children probably had much fun, anyway). Biscuit starts to suspect Pearl of being a witch, because she plays by herself with rags and sticks and talks to them. Um…alright then. Look, I talk to my freaking WALL on a regular basis (walls are very good listeners, so don’t judge) and I am certainly not a witch. Heck, I’m in high school and I still have imaginary friends (who are sitting behind me playing with flaming soccer balls). Pearl grows up violent, playing with imaginary soldiers that kill all the mean Puritan children.


This really sounds like a messed up childhood. To be socially in adept, clinging to Mommy, and a little too smart for her age, I can see already that Pearl is doomed to be…a YouTube star (I kid, I kid! Mostly…)

One thing that really creeps Biscuit out is that unlike other (normal) kids, LuMP doesn’t notice her mother’s smile when she glances at her. No, she notices the gaudy scarlet letter. And when LuMP looks at it, she gets this creepy, knowing smile on her face. Biscuit can’t relax until LuMP is asleep because the stare is demonic.

Which brings me to the last important thing in this absurd chapter. Biscuit thinks that LuMP is a demon, and so do the townspeople. Now, I really don’t give two cents what the townspeople think, but for your sake I’ll lay it out.

Back then, people had this (IMHO) outlandish idea that sinful mothers sometimes bore demon-babies (like Optimus Beyonce or Miley Cyrus). Biscuit thinks that LuMP is one such child. I disagree, although it would make the book a lot more interesting.

Thoughts: Smeyer definitely read “The Scarlet Letter” and made Pearl the model for Opti—I mean, Renesmee (how the heck do you spell that?).

Predictions: This book will continue in exactly the same way as it has this whole time, with nothing happening and Hester constantly harping about her punishment.

**Hester walking to the store, some random person looks at the scarlet letter**

Hester: Oh, mine sorrow shall increase with each painful prick of thine eyes, random stranger!

Stranger: Thou harlot! Thou shouldst die! KILL THE HOOKER!

Pearl: **pulls out magic wand** Don’t mess wit my mama or I’ll curse you!

Townspeople: Where did you get your magic?

Dimmesdale: **quietly** Oh, don’t make her tell, she doesn’t have to…

Gov. Wilson: Shut up!

Dimmesdale: **whimpers**

Hester: I hate my life! This horrible but awfully pretty scarlet letter burns my dress!

Townspeople: Tramp!

Seriously, that’s about all that’s happened so far. I went into this with an open mind, determined not to automatically hate the book. I hate this book now.

Do you agree with wakwy, or do you wanna try to defend this thing?

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