I have come to accept the fact that I am Forever Alone. And you know what? I am Forever Alone and proud! I know now that I won’t be able to find someone who will be able to fill the role of my significant other. I am a complicated mess and I don’t live in a chick flick. I’m all alone!
Here are six reasons why being Forever Alone will rock:
So what if I end up living alone as crazy dog lady?! I’ve already planned it all out. The dogs’ names will be Darren, Harry, Ron, Draco, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Joey to continue my strange obsessions. They’ll be trained to buy cookie dough ice cream by the gallon, because that’s obviously what I’m going to be living off of.
I’m going to live off of cookie dough ice cream. Watching my figure? Nope; I’ve got no one to impress.
I’ll live in Germany and go to a Disco every night because Germany is one of the few places in the world that still refers to it as a disco. Isn’t that awesome!? Sad, but awesome!
I won’t ever have to worry about those gosh darn boys who seem to ruin everyone’s lives in the movies. Instead, I will be able to focus on the more important things in life like school and money….and um…. DARREN CRISS! And none of that silly drama, please and thank you.
If I actually had a boyfriend, he would waste my time. I’d have to, like, hang out with him instead of spend my days looking up videos of Darren Criss. Who needs dates when I could be watching this?
Prom! Without a boy, prom will be the best night of my life! I won’t have to worry about my boyfriend making out with my best friend under the punch bowl because I won’t have a boyfriend (or a best friend at that)! I will be the girl at my prom pulling a Sleeping Beauty by dancing with an imaginary boy during the slow songs, and I will be totally awesome!
If this seems at all pathetic, or like I’m in denial because of my excessive use of exclamation marks, I will say, ”
Whatever gave you that idea?!” I am beyond fine with living in a future where I am surrounded by Darren, Harry, Ron, and Draco—the objects of my obsessions for years!
Please excuse me now while I grab a tub of cookie dough ice cream and eat my feelings out in a dark corner.