Dumblydorris getting ready to blog her NaNoWriMo…and she’s going to look good doing it! —Sparkitors
Today, we shall discuss the single most important aspect of writing: looking good while you’re doing it. Don’t give me that look. NaNo’s only a short while away, and you need to look your best while urgently typing away at your computer. You need things that are comfortable, chic, look vaguely eccentric, and maybe have a little something to mop off the that sweat with (Chelsea, we’re all looking at you). But most importantly, you need something that matches your book-to-be’s genre.
So, without further ado, here’s some much-researched clothing advice so you can match the book you’re writing. Just bear in mind, what’s on the inside doesn’t matter:
Adventure: Is that a bug in your hair? No problem-o, because you’re not squeamish at all. You should probably wear a compass around your neck in case you get lost traipsing through the Amazon. Wear lots of muddy-water green; it’ll help with camouflage the next time those pesky crocodiles attack.
Romance: Oh Romeo! Oh Juliet! You should invest in a ball gown and a (fake) diamond tiara, because you live a charmed life. Pile on the red lipstick, but keep it classy. No one likes a clown. Not even crocodiles.
Fantasy: This’ll be easy for you, since you can just use magic to zap everything in. You’ll need a magic carpet, a wand (and a backup, in case of breakage), and blue hair dye. Because all magical people need blue hair.
Historical Fiction: This depends entirely on what century you’re writing in, but I must say, I strongly believe suspenders and monocles are about to come back into fashion. You may want to add a dashing hat or hairpiece, and start researching the correct grammatical usage of “thee.”
Horror: Hey, guess what!? It’s Halloween! This means your genre is way too mainstream (I wrote a bone chilling murder story back in December), but you can take advantage of the awesome Halloween stuff in the shops. I strongly recommend black lipstick and these super-cool fake spider web eyelashes I saw the other day.
Sci-Fi: Paint yourself green. I mean it. Invent your own language, and do an in-character role play, during which you brainwash your friends and then bite people. Hard.
Of course, this is all assuming that you’ve all chosen your genre, which you’ve totally done, RIGHT!? I, for one, will be writing a lovely blend of everything, with cinnamon and foam.
Which reminds me, WORD GOALS. Are they not frightening? Are you biting your fingernails? Are you wetting your bed at night, dreaming terrible, terrible nightmares involving drowning in large numbers that chant “Write! Write! Write!”? Well, I’m definitely not, but just in case you are, I figure we could have a one-sided pep talk about this. You know, in case you’re scared.
So, basically, if you’re 18 or over, you have to do 50,000 words. You have no choice in the matter. If you don’t, you will FAIL. And that’s FAIL with big, confrontational red letters.
But if you aren’t, the choices are endless! And that’s what’s biting me.
The high for my age level is 25,000. That’s the advanced level (I’m narcissistic and have defined myself as belonging to this category). But that’s like doing half a NaNo, which means that I will be a half-win, which has half the bragging rights, which is no fun. And I could write 50,000 words, right? I could. And I have you guys to cheer me on. Besides, how can I be a decent NaNoWriMo blogger if I only do half a WriMo?
Then again, if I attempt to do 50,000, what if I FAIL? In front of all your persistently smug faces.
This is going to require a long and thought-out decision making. Or, I could just flip a coin. Heads for 25,000, tails for 50,000. Ready? Set? Flip!
AAANNND THE GRAND RESULT IS… 50,000…just promise to be nice if I fail, okay?