SparkNotes Blog

How to Survive a Horror Movie

If you follow Mannel‘s  rules, you just may live through Halloween. –Sparkitors

Every time I watch a horror movie, I find myself very scared… of how stupid the characters in the movie are acting! Their ridiculous behavior has no place in a truly hair-raising, interesting, and horrifying movie. If you wake up one day and find yourself in a horror movie, follow these rules if you want to A) not die, and B) not be in a lame horror movie:

1. Never run upstairs and lock yourself up in your room. This rule is inspired by Scream, the greatest horror movie of all time. Unfortunately, lead character Sidney breaks this rule, even though she knows better.

2. Do not hold a knife while running. It’s a very helpful weapon to have, but what if you trip on a Lego, fall, and accidentally stab yourself? Everyone would be like “Wow, death by murderer! Oh, wait. Death by Lego. How embarrassing.”

3. If you have a gun, hold onto it. If you don’t, it’s very likely you will end up shot by your own gun. Come on!

4. Avoid creepy houses. If the walls are bleeding and there’s a mysterious old woman appearing on the top floor and everyone in the small town where it’s located looks like they’re straight out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre…maybe don’t buy the house?

5. Remember to TURN the doorknob before you push it. Typical error in horror movies. I understand they’re freaked out, but have you really forgotten how to open a door?

6. When the tables have turned and you’re about to kill the killer, don’t get emotional. Just get it done! I’m telling you, that guy will get you before you get him, so enough with the dramatic pauses.

Bonus Tip: Just avoid creepy everything! If you sense that something’s wrong, just walk away. Backwards if you have to. Don’t wait until it’s too late and you’re all going to die.

What’s the most annoying horror movie mistake?

Related post: Five Ways to Battle the Scary Movie Chills

Run up the stairs, lock your door, and write for SparkLife!