SparkNotes Blog

Take Your Fictional Love Public

Fictional love has been a theme on SparkLife ever since this post popped up. Now, iluvfacetouching tells us how to handle these not-so-real relationships. —SparkNotes editors

Those who don’t understand fictional crushes think it’s insane to be obsessed with characters who aren’t real. And even you know it’s unhealthy. But when you come home from a long day at school and think of holding that fictional crush in your arms, the feeling is just too good to give up.

So grab the nearest copy of P&P and skip to the good part with that certain Mr. Darcy. It’s time to embrace your involvement in a fictional relationship. Once you go public with your FSO (you know, among your friends), here’s what you should be prepared for:

First, you need to determine your fake relationship. Are you dating? Married? Man-buddies? Soulmates? It is easier to love a person when you can define your love to your friends by saying “Of course I could never marry Heathcliff; he’s crazy. We would just have to be *dramatic pause* undercover.” This will result in your friends looking at you with a I-Knew-All-That-Time-On-The-Internet-With-Those-SparkNotes-Nerds-Would-Drive-Her-Crazy look. But that’s okay—at least they know where you stand with your FSO.

Certain characters, like the totally awesome Jacob Black, are pined after by millions. If this applies to your FSO, you will have to learn to share. However, some characters aren’t as popular. So when everyone is fighting over Mr. Black, simply state, “I CALL SETH CLEARWATER.”  The more “Who is that?” responses, the better.

When it comes to some, however, you simply cannot compromise. You know that a certain freckled redhead is your soul mate, AND YOUR SOULMATE ONLY. When someone questions it, be prepared to defend yourself, like so: If anyone wants to lay a hand on my Ron Weasley—besides a slightly annoying, bossy, bushy haired, buck toothed, know-it-all…okay, I’m a little jealous—they will have to come through me! And it will get ugly. Starting with you.

Is your FSO a secret or a well-known fact among your friends?

Related Post: My Crush Is a Literary Character

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